A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi - what do i do with a guy who gives mixed signals on a daily basis ? He gave me his silver ring and put it on my " engagement " finger after dating me for six months ...then the next day he asked for it back ! he is divorced so maybe he is being cautious , but it takes a lot of my energy.... One day he is full on passionate , the next day he wants us to be good friends and not be too full on , I have strong feelings for him .,but it always feels uncertain . I am taking a break from him ...to try and stand back from the situation ....any help appreciated
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 September 2014):
 Let me ask you this, and I'm not asking in a judgmental manner, when he gave you a ring to wear on your "engagement finger", did you sleep with him afterwards? Also, does he tend to run full-on passionate with the idea of getting you into the sack? Has he also told you he loves you or is "in love with you", and if so, did he do it within the first 3 months of your relationship?
I don't get a "he's hung up on his ex" vibe, but I could be wrong. I get a "he wants the girlfriend experience without commitment" vibe from him, because if HE was the one who made a big deal by putting a ring on your "engagement finger" after only 6 months of dating, then I actually think that he is using you.
A truly cautious person isn't quick to jump into bed, is very slow to say "I love you", and wouldn't be breaking out the rings to put on your finger within the first 6 months. I wouldn't be surprised if that whole ring thing isn't a practiced player ploy that he uses, and that he never intended for you to keep the thing. If he also "runs cold" in terms of his time, and he goes quiet for periods of time as well as limits the time you can see him (i.e. makes up excuses for certain days you can and can't see him, or times he'll respond to your calls or texts and keeps you at an arm's length), I'd be suspicious that I wasn't the only woman he was sweet-talking.
The whole ring thing is NOT normal. At 6 months, the relationship is still new. Many couples haven't declared their love for each other yet, though that's in the early range of that starting. Introductions are usually made to friends and family around the 6 month part, with the exception of any kids, which a responsible parent waits usually around the 1 year mark to make sure the relationship is serious and long-term.
I think he's using you. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't put up a huge fight about it apart from saying the usual words he'd want you to hear, and in effect, you may be feeling like he's not as affected by a "break" as you are right now. I think he has others, and the ring thing is a tactic. Either way, the guy is a flake, and you should make this break permanent.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (3 September 2014):
 He doesn't know what he wants and expects you to hang around and wait while he figures it out. You could waste years of your life on him just to have him end things with no notice. As Wise Owl says, dont take a break...end it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2014): Sounds like he is conflicted with his feelings and being a childish knuckle-head.
You can't allow guys to be fickle and toy with your feelings. Taking a break isn't really enough. You may need to move on altogether. He may be just using you while he works out unresolved issues with his ex; or he's bartering for sex.
You're an adult, tricks and games are for kids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): Do you think he might not have let go of a previous partner? People who blow hot and cold can sometimes still be hung up on an ex (speaking from personal experience too). It sounds like he does not know what he wants, you say you have only been with him for 6 months?Was the divorce an amicable one or messy I wonder? I wonder if he still loves his ex. You have done the right thing in taking a step back, he needs to sort himself out and figure what he really wants. He also needs to be honest with you, always go with your gut instinct, if it doesn't feel right it most likely isn't. Keep strong and go no contact if possible. He may try and win you round when he is blowing hot, but do not get sucked in as you will only feel rejected again when he goes cool on you. Better to go with a man who is consistent and knows what he wants, this guy is just messing you around and you know you deserve better!
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