A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 40 and have a family of my own. About 20 years ago, against my parent's wishes, I attended University which led to split between us for about 10 years. About 10 years ago I realized that I needed to make an effort to re-unite with my parents and sister. After trying for 10 years I have faced realization that my parents and my sister have conspired to shun my children, spouse and I. One of the primary divisive elements in the relationship dynamics is that my parents and sister drink alcohol daily, and I do not drink at all. Furthermore, my parents and sister have difficulty with stress and have organized their lives around relaxing. They are not well off, but are comfortable for the time being, and I worry that they will eventually face physical deterioration as they age and be totally traumatized. I have reached out to them and my children love them and wish to have a relationship with them, however, they have steadfastly refused to visit us or call us, despite our best efforts. I have come to the realization that this has been a life-long pattern, as my parents had not permitted my sister and I to visit our grand parents (I got acquainted with my grandparents after I attended University, and encouraged my father and mother to see the before they passed on. They did, but now blame me for their suffering during their grief, as though if they had ignored the reality of their existence they would not have fealt any pain). It is not normal to amputate one's self from familial relationships unless it is an abusive situation. I fear that my parents and sister are abusing themselves. They drown themselves daily in their ritual consumption of alcohol, and justify this by pointing to a culture of alchoholism that prevails in North America. I require no financial assistance and have suffered many years learning and striving to make a difference to my life and the lives of those around me. What am I to about my relationship with my parents and sister? I want my children to have a relationship with their grand parents, unlike when I was a child growing up in isolation from other family members?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (1 September 2008):
Well unfortunately you can't force someone to change their attitude in life.
You just have to keep doing what you are doing and putting the effort in to go and see them.
However if they won't change then you can't make them. Your children have got your wife's parents so they are not grandparentless.
It's your family's loss if they want to stay wrapped up in their little cocoon. As for the alcohol, you just have to let them carry on. It's their life and there is going to be enough cause to give up when one of them goes blind or gets liver problems.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, EasyEK  +, writes (1 September 2008):
That's difficult situation. I also grew up in a situation that somehow resembles yours. My parents were divorced when I was hadly a two-year. They both got married to other persons and I had to stay with my grand parents until when I was a teenager then reunited with my mother. But all these changes have created a lot dynamics in my life as to who I should relate closely, and stuff. But You sound to be a very good person and your judgement of the situation should give you the best idea as to what you should do. All the best
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