A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I m in a relationship with this guy and it had been 2 years. We love each other More then our lives. This is a long distance relationship. He is really possessive. I don't use any social networking because of him and I m fine with it. I don't talk to any boy. In 1st year I hurt him by Using social sites without telling him :( I regret it. He hurt himself for my cause. Since than he don't trust me. He also hurt me by blaming. I m damn sensitive and I cry alot. But he loves me too. We ll marry. I cant live without him. I ll die without him. I did everything whatever he says n said n he also do that but not able to trust me. What do i do to make him trust me? We met 3 times in real and daily on phone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): I added an answer to this yesterday but this is all bothering me so much I had to add a bit more.I agree with Aunty Bim Bim. A few years ago something bad happened to me and I completely withdrew from going out and talking to people. I deleted social media accounts and I didn't want to go and see friends. I was, I thought, fine with this as you seem fine not doing it at the moment. But when I started to get incredibly lonely I found it hard communicating with people when I started to try again.It completely destroyed my confidence as I spent so much time alone I didn't know what to talk about any more or be confident with anybody.It was a mistake to isolate myself and it had a bad effect on my once bubbly and out going personality.I had a boyfriend when I was doing all of this and he was kind of possessive anyway so he encouraged me to be isolated and also spoke badly of my family.You are so young and you are on the path to living your whole life to please a man who doesn't sound that nice to begin with. You need a social life and you need to be happy with somebody you can see as much as you want to. There's nothing nicer than having friends of your own and mutual friends with your boyfriend that you can go out and share experiences with.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): "What do i do to make him trust me?"
Nothing. You're asking the impossible. You can't "make" him do anything he would not be otherwise inclined to do.
Sorry, but boyfriend is exhibiting the classic signs of a potential abuser.
This isn't about trust, it's about control. He's putting you on the defensive so you will ultimately bend to his will and do whatever he says.
And if he can't exert control by verbally abusing you, then in all likelihood he will do it by physically abusing you.
Given that you are so willing to subjugate your own identity as an individual in order to please a man indicates you have very low self-esteem; he knows that and he knows exactly what buttons to push to elicit the response he wants.
Very fortunate he's not in close proximity though I assume his eventual goal is to convince you to give up your life and move in with him where you'll be completely isolated from friends and family.
You really need to talk to a trained neutral third-party in order to recognize the situation you are falling into and to acquire the knowledge and skills needed to recognize his tactics and effectively counter.
Please don't ignore the HUGE red flags and work to extricate yourself from a potentially disastrous relationship. Whatever it is you're looking for and/or trying to escape from, he is not the solution and he will only make your life miserable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): one of the first things you said was that he's very possessive and that you don't use social media because when you didn't tell him about it in the first year of your relationship, you regretted that because he hurt himself for your cause. I took that to mean, and correct me if I'm wro byng, that he physically hurt himself and said that it was your fault for not telling him about social media. you yourself took the blame for this? That right there scares me the word possessivemeans that you own something. he does not own you!yes, starting a relationship on a lie or a deception is a bad thing. however, there is nothing wrong with saying "yes. I have social media. add me. No, I will not erase it. any man who takes issue with this who can see with his own eyes that your comments are innocent has a problem. he thinks he owns you and he feels entitled to tell you what to do and who to talk to, has a serious ego problem. on the flip side, he is very insecure and needs constant reassurance that he is the one in control. that is a very, very, very DANGEROUS combination.you are relatively young and I wonder if this is your first relationship. what is it about this man that makes you think you will die without him? my guess here, and I could be wrong, is that he is the only person you are speaking to in a friendship sort of way as well as the only male you speak to. he has you so isolated that right now he will have nobody if you don't have him. unfortunately, that is right where he wants you. I bet that if you stop speaking to them on the phone and refused to meet up with him, he would pursue you even harder and he would blame you and try to hurt himself again.he does not love you, he loves the control he has, it gives his ego a boost to know that at least in control something. please, tell this man not to contact you ever again and delete all accounts that have any connection with him. you can always open a new one and you can always change your phone number and you can always start a social network again, this time blocking him from seeing any of that by making them private.I believe this is a situation where you can go through social media like Facebook and inform the staff that he is harassing you. you absolutely absolutely absolutely need to contact the police where he lives and where you live to tell him he is bothering you.if you're in school, or if you are working, please tell your boss and security that this man needs to stay away.begin developing a support circle and if possible, ask what you can do to find a support group for people who are being abused because even if he is not hitting you, every person who was getting hit has had a relationship that begin damn near exactly the way yours is right now. I pray that you will get the help that you need but you really need to do the footwork and surround yourself by people who will hold you up and back you up when it comes time for you to stand up to him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 December 2015):
 You can't make him trust you. I am concerned that you are not talking to half the population at school and out of school (boys) because he doesn't like it.
I am also concerned that you do everything he tells you to do and yet he still doesn't trust you.
I am concerned you don't use social networking sites because he doesn't like not knowing what you are doing, what you are saying or who you are saying it to.
Have you any friends, how do you communicate with them? By distancing yourself from society, the good aspects as well as the bad aspects, you are isolating yourself, which will make it difficult for you to communicate, comfortably and confidently, in the future, this will make it difficult for you in work places. More importantly you will not develop the skills needed to navigate our neighbourhoods and communities if you go on to marry and have children, and you will have some difficulties communicating with all sorts of professionals, ranging from child health professionals, teachers etc to other parents at playgrounds and school activities and events.
He is controlling you from a distance, like a remote control toy. At your age you need to be developing a sense of self and where you fit in the world, venturing out and becoming you own person. By controlling you from a distance your boyfriend is holding you back, and I am hoping that on his part it is the ignorance of youth and not a deliberate ploy.
I urge you to think carefully about your situation, and then grow some girly balls and tell him e can either accept your words and learn to trust you or kiss your arse goodbye.
One last thing, he doesn't own you, you are not his possession, be true to yourself, love and respect the person you are and if he can't love, trust and respect you find somebody who will.
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A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (30 December 2015):
 You've been with this guy for 2 years and have only met him 3 times?? What is the duration of each visit? Have you met his family & friends?
There's no way to 'make' him trust you, but if you haven't done anything to betray his trust, after being together for two years, there should be a certain level of trust.
I think the root cause is you don't see each other enough. To build a relationship, you must spend a significant amount of time IN PERSON. When you spend more time together in person, you will find that a lot of doubts and questions about each other's lifestyles and personalities will go away. Talking on the phone just doesn't compare.
I would try to arrange for more visits. However, a short term fix (note: SHORT TERM), would be to constantly, every hour or two, 'report' to him what you are doing by calling or texting him. If you constantly let him know what you are doing and he's hearing from you every hour or two, his mind will not wander off and wonder what you are up to.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): When you are in a LDR you must get lonely by yourself if you're forced to not use social media or be able to talk to other men. There should be no reason you should live life without being able to talk to people of the opposite sex. I have lots of male friends who I'd really miss if I could never speak to them again. Ok you made a mistake by going on things without telling him, the way you've worded it its sounds as though you said you wouldn't but did so behind his back. That hurt him if he felt you were doing something deceitful. But why did he ask you not to do it in the first place?Everybody makes mistakes! He can not live in the past and hold a grudge against you for a mistake. If it was a mistake he can't forgive then he shouldn't be with you. There's no point in carrying on a relationship where one mistake is focused on and not let go. It isn't fair and will make you feel miserable. He either forgives and forgets or moves on.You can't make him trust you, he sounds like he holds on to grudges and never lets them go.You've only met this man three times and in the space of two years I'd feel rubbish not being able to talk to other people for somebody who is in fact a stranger to you. You are putting your life on hold for somebody you barely know.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 December 2015):
 You can't "make him" trust you. If he doesn't, then he doesn't (trust you). The only question is, can YOU endure being associated/affiliated with a guy who questions your trustworthiness????? If "yes," then keep on with him... and keep asking this question to yourself, and to anyone who will listen... If "no," then plan to tell him that his concern about your trustworthiness is NOT one of his most desireable attributes... and that YOU think it might even be fatal to your budding relationship...
BT/DT..... it ain't fun....
Good luck..
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 December 2015):
You can't "make him" trust you. If he doesn't, then he doesn't (trust you). The only question is, can YOU endure being associated/affiliated with a guy who questions your trustworthiness????? If "yes," then keep on with him... and keep asking this question to yourself, and to anyone who will listen... If "no," then plan to tell him that his concern about your trustworthiness is NOT one of his most desireable attributes... and that YOU think it might even be fatal to your budding relationship...
BT/DT..... it ain't fun....
Good luck..
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