A
female
age
30-35,
*anniAZ
writes:I was with my boyfriend for a little over 5 years. We broke up the 26th.A little rundown about what happened. We really did have an amazing relationship. We had serious talks about our future, kids, getting a house together, etc. It was my first serious relationship, his second. We had a lot of trust in each other, never had any worries, never had any major fights. Everything changed when he started a new job in August. He started working more hours, which meant less time for us to spend together. In mid October he met a woman who worked in the same building. My boyfriend admitted that he approached her as he has seen her before at the work place and he wanted to introduce himself. They would talk on and off at work until she left the company in November because she found a new job. Well a couple days before she left, she approached my boyfriend and asked for his number so they could keep in touch, which my boyfriend agreed. Getting to the point, I found out that my boyfriend and this woman have been flirty with each other and they have been talking about inappropriate stuff. After he told me this, he let me see some of the text messages between them and I just felt sick to my stomach. I saw a few texts that she was telling my boyfriend about her past sex life with her ex boyfriend, and how bad it was. And my boyfriend told her a few details about sex with his previous girlfriend, and also "jokingly" told her that I'm very emotional and get upset easily. Just things I don't feel like he should have been telling her.I felt like my trust had been betrayed since then. At first he didn't feel like he done wrong, but when we talked it over he told me he realizes that what happened wasn't right and that he was sorry and shouldn't have let the flirting go on for so long. We tried to work things out and I put it behind us.Fast forward a couple weeks later and on the 22nd his phone went off and I glanced at it and saw that she sent him a text that said 'oh, okay that's cool :)" Which gave me the impression that he decided to continue talking to her. So for the next few days, in the back of my mind, I was quite upset every time he would be on his phone because I had a feeling he was talking with her. Then the 26th I sat him down and broke things off. I didn't waste my time going through everything all over again, I just told him it wasn't working out and that I wasn't happy anymore and I just didn't understand his actions lately. Mind you, this is the first time he's ever done this. He has been talking about trying to work things out but I don't know if I should. Have I been too hard on him or do you think I did the right thing? I really loved him and was with him for 5 years I hate to just throw that away. I just don't think I can fully trust him anymore.
View related questions:
at work, broke up, flirt, her ex, her past, sex life, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DanniAZ +, writes (30 December 2015):
DanniAZ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I was surprised he kept in contact with her after we had an argument about her. He told me he didn't think keeping her as a friend was a bad idea because they were 'just friends' in the first place.
I too think that he lost interest but he continues to tell me he loves me and wants to work it out. It's like his words and actions are completely different. I really don't even understand how I feel about the situation anymore because I'm so confused.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2015):
 Don't think ending the relationship = throwing away the 5 years you spend together. Take it as a learning experience. We learn something from each relationship (good and bad) that helps us in the next.(hopefully).
He "claimed" to understand that him talking with her/to her was not OK, yet... he continued. So basically what he said and what he DID didn't match. He lied. I think he KNEW it wasn't OK, he just didn't think you would leave him over it. And I also think he was quite OK with the "ego-rub" and intimate chats with another girl as long as YOU didn't know about it.
I think when a person does that, they themselves have a foot out the door.
I would cut the contact 100% while you figure out if you think getting back together is the right thing for you or not. But I would strongly suggest that IF you do decide to give him another chance that you two SORT out these boundaries and issues BEFORE hand.
Personally, I think that maybe your relationship has run it's course. But only YOU can decide if it's the right thing to do FOR YOU or not.
I DO NOT think you were too hard on him. Actions have consequences, and so does disrespect and lying. He lied to you, and he disrespect you and the relationship by NOT cutting the contact with her, specially after he declared that he was sorry and shouldn't have talked to her in such a manner. He shouldn't just presume that if he stop talking about sex, he can keep her around as a buddy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): what i like so far is the way that you have handled this upset so far but i dont quite understand if you have sent him packing or relegated him to the couch with a red card.A lot of people argue somewhere over xmas and make it up for new year.This has gone beyond a workplace flirtation..it is far too personal and it should have petered off when she left the company.i would be offended if the bloke had started swapping sex secrets.He has betrayed your trust and he has taken you for granted.i dont think its wrong to break it off..he seems to have no idea of how hurtful he has been or appropriate boundaries,A man in love with you wouldnt be sneaking around taking calls from another woman and running down his missus to her.He is not behaving as if he is in love with you at all but rather as if he has taken you for granted too long.He should have been paying attention to you so although i want to wave a magic wand i cant help but think that you have done the right thing.If you reversed this and you had met a new man and were sneaking around taking callls and swapping familiarities would you expect him to enjoy the pleasure of being the third party?
...............................
|
