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age
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writes: ten days ago, i got in from a night out to find that my mum had found my pills. i am 15 and 11 months and have a boyfriend who is 17 and 2 months. we have been together a year now, but about three months ago, the question of sex had come up, he didnt pressure me at all but i went on the pill because i am smart. My mum doesnt like my boyfriend and we arent very close so i never told her about this. after she's found out i have not been allowed the house on my own and i am not allowed friends around. she says its gonna be like this til xmas, which really upsets me. i need to see my friends and my boyfriend. Ive got important exams this year but my stuborn mother makes me feel really low and im often ill or stressed. what can make her understand?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): You Present as aged 15 (underage) and currently living in the UK. Your boyfriend is 17 (overage) and he and you are have illegal sex together. There is a small possibility that he could go to jail, because he is above the age of consent and you are not.
Your mother is perfectly right, you have acted very immaturely, and of course she must keep you safe. It is only a matter of months before you reach the legal age, why the hell couldn't you wait. You are still immature if you cannot obey the law, no matter how much you are in love. If this guy had respected you and your mother, he would have been sensible enough to wait a couple of months untill you were legal.
Your mother has acted brilliantly. I would do exactly the same thing. Instead of being rude to her, you should go and thank her, for trying to look out for you. There are laws and there are punishments for people that break them. What the hell would you mother do if the social services found out that you are having sex and decided to step in and interfere. You have been very immature and unreasonable, please go and apologise to your mum for your childish attitude and then thank her for covering your back. You are in Britain, you should know that people can get very strange about people having underage sex. Why couldn't you wait, what was the problem about waiting a very few months....
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): You're 15 years old,having sex-period!With a 17 year old which is illegal in your country.You expect your mom to be ok with that?!When we're kids,or until we're old enough tomake our decisions,our parents will be trying to protect usevery step of the way and I'm sure that it is hard for yourmom to accept what you're doing.I have no idea how some parents feel it's ok to let their kids be having sex at yourage.I don't agree with the things she's kept you from,likefriends and independence at home.But at your age,there is alimit to independence.Your mom may not understand at all at any point while you're still a child that you're doing this.But she could possibly see it later on.I hope I helped in some way.
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female
reader, supermum  +, writes (5 September 2008):
 Your boyfriend could be sent to prison as you are underage. That may be why your mum has the problem.dont mean to be harsh, but what if you end up like me, with a baby at 16.. will you cope?if you can, good luck to you, if not, make sure your partner uses a condom.. the pill helps prevent pregnancy, not STI's. I am on the implant, so its unlikely i will get pregnant for 3 years. Even so, i would not dream of having sex without a condom, even if its oral sex
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female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (5 September 2008):
 why did you hide what was going on? honestly i think you're young to be having sex, especially with someone who is 2 years older than you. i don't really count months, i see it as it is... it is great that you are in a committed relationship and it is great you are being careful about protection. but i'm looking at this from your mom's eyes since you want to make things better with her.
it takes a certain amount of maturity to be honest about what is going on with the people you love. by hiding the fact that you were sexually active and even on the pill, you probably have made your mom lose a little trust in you. she had to find out on her own, and to have to deal with the fact that her little girl isn't really little anymore is rough! you couldn't be honest about what was going on... if you aren't mature enough to handle the consequences are you sure you are mature enough to handle the act?
you should have had the talk with your mom before you got on the pill, and let her be involved. eased her into the idea of your boyfriend and you getting intimate. the fact that she doesn't like your boyfriend on top of the fact that you hid your pills and your sex life from her probably just makes her angrier! and you need to let her into your life... you're still dependent on her and she still makes the rules, as you have found out!
make the effort to get closer to her. i never got along with my mom at your age so i know it can be hard. now, though, she is my best friend. it's so cliche but totally true. my mom hated the guy i dated in high school, and we were together for 2 years! but she was right about him. we are talking total jerk. but i didn't know then what i know now.
just remember. you are hers! she gave birth to you, raised you, and will love you unconditionally whether she wants to or not! your mother will never do something to you that will hurt you. she is doing her best to protect you and to keep you from making the mistakes she made when she was younger. she isn't trying to make your life miserable. my mom still calls my little sister and i her little angels, her little girls... my sister is about your age and i'm just about in my 20's! but that's just how motherhood works.
i recommend you sit her down. ask her to grab a cup of coffee with you. turn off the tv and just grab her attention. and have a real heart to heart! ask her why she doesn't like your boyfriend, what she has lived through to have these feelings... learn what she has to offer. then, tell her exactly why you do enjoy being with him. tell her how you feel about him, how you think he feels about you. try to show her that your relationship is mature, the way you are looking at things is mature, and that therefore you feel that you are mature enough for sex. and remind her that you are being safe about the sex. promise that you will share more things with her if she promises to have an open mind.
relationships are only as good as the effort you put into them. take my advice and get close to your mom now! you will need her a lot. when a guy broke my heart 1st year of college, my mom drove the couple hours to my campus and spent the weekend with me. my best friends were scattered across the country, busy with their own things. only family will care that much. and since my dad would feel awkward and angry dealing with tears over boys, i depended on my mom.
and please, do think hard about the guy you are dating and what you are doing with him. my guy and i dated for 2 years, and looking back it was a total waste of time! i don't know a single high school relationship that lasted to college. and there were couples that looked like they could end up getting married, couples that were together 3+ years! you're young. have fun playing the field, dating different boys, staying out late! don't make him your everything, you could be asking for heartache.
good luck, if you want to talk you know how to message me!
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female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (5 September 2008):
 Well, it's going to be really hard. No parent would want to know that their children are growing up too fast too soon.I would say that your mom is taking it to the extreme, though. I would have understood banning your boyfriend from the house and probably some male friends, but all of them?I think the only option you have is to wait for her to calm down and get things through. I wouldn't even like it if a 15-year-old(underage and with a grandious sense of self) is doing an activity that only adults should engage, BUT it is a relief that at least they're getting some protection (I hope you're using condoms, right? Contraceptives is not all about pregnancy). So, I guess is that just let that sink in for her.It wouldn't matter, as of now, if you told her that you're being safe and doing "out of love". You gotta face it, most kids your age don't even know what love is even about and she will think it's only hormones. Plus, you're still technically a child (no offense, but the law dictates it). It makes it worse that you don't get along with her and that she hates your boyfriend. I'm just telling you all of this to make you see what she might actually see in your act. She doesn't care, for now, that you're doing it safe! She's worried that you're doing it, growing too fast, and is afraid that this might affect you somehow in the future.I have a mother who is like that too. Even though I'm an adult (19), my mother still can't bring herself to talk to me about sex, and is still trying to accept the fact that I'm sexually active. I understand her, though. She lived in a different era (she's 55),she's old school. And even though we actually get along pretty well, she still sees me as her child, and is afraid that whatever decision I'll make will not affect me greatly.So understand your mother's motives. She's not being completely unfair or stubborn because you have to remember sex is not just a simple thing. But for now, if you want to get into the good side of your mom, treat her right. Be a good daughter and never ever yell/talk back at her. Maybe, just maybe, she might change her opinion and let you see your friends at least sooner.
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