A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend just broke up with me because my soon to be ex-husband is doing some crazy stuff. He also is now saying that he needs to figure out if getting back together with his ex-wife if a viable option. Both of our ex's cheated on us and were very hurt by that but "I thought" we were both over them. Looking for a male perspective and advice on what to do to get him back.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): If he implied to get back with his wife....don't look back. Let him go. And if your husband cheated on you...let him go to. Get some self respect and stop letting men walk all over you . Be the only woman to a man. The more you allow to let the men in your life make decisions for you it will never end. Why would you want your boyfriend back after implying he would still want his wife? Stand up for yourself and find a new man.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 February 2012):
Hi there. I'm not male, however I can try and help and we'll see how we go.
If your boyfriend is wondering about reconciling with his ex, it might also be wise to consider doing the same.
And it also depends on what your feelings are for your ex.
It might have been a bit hastey to just end it with your husband without talking about it first.
This could well be why your husband is now having second thoughts.
Which would probably explain why he is doing "some crazy stuff", as you have put it.
And if you ended your relationship with your husband as soon as you found out, well then there probably was and still is some unfinished business between you that needs to be sorted.
Before making a final decision about divorce, you and your husband need to sit down and talk everything out about why he cheated and remind yourselves of how good things were before it happened.
Your boyfriend, also needs to do the same.
While ever there are unresolved issues between you and your ex husband and your boyfriend and his ex wife, those issues will continue to arise in each new relationship, until they are properly and finally addressed. They won't go away by themselves.
It seems like a wise thing to seriously consider sitting down with your husband and try and work things out.
If you were happy and fairly content before you found out that he cheated, well then there is no reason why things can't be that good once again. Or even better.
Before considering getting back with your boyfriend again, you first need to talk to your husband, and really talk about everything thoroughly.
And because your boyfriend mentioned whether he should go back with his wife, proves he is perhaps having some doubts himself, about leaving her in the first place.
Sadly these days, people seem only too willing to just bale out, the minute something goes wrong. Rather than work things through by good communication.
While being cheated on is pretty traumatic, it is often the trigger point for improving that relationship to a much stronger place and happier place than it ever was before! It often brings a much deeper understanding of that person.
It's not uncommon for that to be the case.
Unless both you and your boyfriend sort things out with your exes soon, it's going to drive a wedge between you, which will inevitably cause all sorts of tensions and problems.
At the very least if you speak to your spouses, you will then know one way or the other whether it really is over, or that it is worthwhile saving and working on.
However, it is crucial that you do sort it out.
Because only after you have discussed things in detail, can you then proceed in some direction.
At the moment, you have both reached a fork in the road.
So it's discussion time, and then it will be decision time.
Whatever you do though, do not rush into any kind of decision before talking heart to heart with your spouses.
So three discussions need to take place here:
(1) You and your husband.
(2) Your boyfriend and his wife.
(3) You and your boyfriend.
After these 3 steps - then action. In that order.
Best wishes.
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