A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee and I have been living together in our own place. Money has never been an issue but there are things we lack that we need in our place, and no matter how much I try to talk to him about it he just doesn't get it. Over the few months, we have saved lots on money to use it spend for things that we need. Well, it is not going this way. He has spent nearly 1700USD on a bicycle and the gears for it. While, we need a double bed since scarcely we are living on a single bed, and a kitchen table with chairs and I have been looking for things like that and found very nice stuff under the budget of 1000USD. I have talked to him now for months about it, and he says that we should wait till the next pay. Well, the next pay comes, but nothing out of it is achieved except for buying stuff like dvds, and ordering books. My income is limited due to myself trying to get into studies so I really budgeting (Ie-have not even bought an item for myself in 3 months) while he does spend and say we cannot afford for other things like what we need. I have sat and talked to him but feels like it's in one ear and out the other. What do I do next? How can let him see the importance of other things?
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female
reader, NJmomabear +, writes (14 May 2007):
 ALL men are like this. They have this need to buy 'toys'. My x went out and bought a muscle car after I had a baby at your age instead of home and family. Some men will never grow up. The best you can do is to find someone who buys toys that you like too. For instance, my fiance is a musician. Yes he buys gear, but he has discount connections in the retail business but he also bought me a high quality acoustic bass. However, most things are well taken care of before it is even considered.
I would fight fire with fire. That is the only way your going to get your fair cut is if you do your fair amount of spending. This way he might realize the limits a little quicker if your actually taking your share. Or, save all of your money...tell him your going to fix up the apartment with it, then turn around and go buy yourself a new waredrobe and start dating other people. Who is he to have all the fun? Its almost like he knows your mostly concerned with having a decent home so why should he care when you are caring enough for the both of you and is taking advantage.
If you don't feel like stooping to his level, then save your money and get away from this frivolous spender. If your values aren't compatible what's the point of being together? This is one of the many reasons why I'm a man hater. I'm not only a member, I'm the president.
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