A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a big issue right now, I am married, and I am wondering if it is time to call it quits. It seems that he has changed a lot in the last 2 years, and tried to cheat 2 times, but got caught each time. I can not trust him now, and I question everything around him. We have been married for 5 years, he is not my first husband, but this is his first marriage. He is younger than me by a few years. We do have some financial issues as well, I lost my job and have not found another one as of yet. So there are a few issues. Please tell me what I can do to try to fix this, or is it time to move on...
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female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (15 October 2008):
 If he wont do anything to help your marriage and is doing quite the opposite hunny then what would you prefere to do at the end of the day. What in your heart do you feel is the best opption for you...The last post is right the signs are not good...I would seriously think about getting a job so you can be more independant and start looking out for you and the children..XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Ouch, that has to hurt..if he has a work number but gives out his cell phone number.I wouldn't like that at all, and that's a very strong indication that he's "fishing". If he won't go see someone for counseling, that's definetly not good. It seems like he doesn't think there's a problem! Do you want to stay? I mean, do you love him enough to try and work through this?Because the signs aren't good of him changing. Perhaps you should try to get a job and get on your own feet, and move on. I mean, if he can't see that there is a problem, do you need that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is a clarification to my original question...
Yes he did try to cheat, and when he was caught he said he was only trying to be friendly, lol.. He is a salesman and gives out his cell number even tho he has a work cell # to give out...
We can not go for counseling, he does not believe in it, He is Muslim and I am Wiccan, try that out... So we have alot of differences, but we thought we could get thru them together.
I have tried for over 2 years to make it better. In the beginning I had it all, I married him, he didnt pay a penny in the beginning 8 months, because he was with me and I always paid everything almost a year ahead. Now I dont have a job, and he cant handle it, he is greedy, and selfish, I have to practically beg for grocery money, and I have 2 sons (not his) but he has never bought the groceries in five years, so why should he complain now.
Our sex life is non existant now, no matter what I do, he isnt interested, unless I am mad, then I cant keep him off of me.
If I try to talk to him about any of these problems, he says I am making a big deal out of nothing..
I dont want to start all over again, but I feel that he is leaving me no choice..
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (14 October 2008):
Hi Hunny
He tryed to cheat on you twice, But got caught Im not supprised you canot trust, Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, Hunny we all at some point have finacial problems but we dont all run off and cheat because life just got a little harder...If you want to save your marriage then I think you should speak with him and get to the bottom of what he is feeling and how you feel as well and if you both can go and see a couples counsellor, If you feel you will never again be able to feel comfortable in the trust issue which is certainly understandable then you have to make the choice, Your health which will suffer as you will be thinking has he done it and not been caught is he still up to his old tricks this is not a healthy way to live, You love him but you feel unsure and this will not be good for your confidence love..The choice being your well being or your marriage..Its a difficult feeling to go through Ive been there and I threw my husband out he was gone, But I must add that I have been abused in the past and I wont be treated this way ever again no matter what...My health comes first now...I did give him a chance to talk but he didnt so that was it, The trust had gone and so did he...I hope this helps hunny TAKE CARE AND GOODLUCK WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Personally I think when someone has the desire to cheat even if they don't do it that the relationship is over. My husband cheated on me twice and eventually I couldn't trust anything he said and I didn't believe anything he said about where he was etc. I think this completely erodes a relationship as trust is everything. I assume you have talked in depth about why he wanted to cheat, where your marriage is going and what can you do to put things right? If he is not responding and you are doing all the giving I suggest you wait until you have found another job and then leave as he does not appear to be making you happy. Money difficulties are very tough to get through and when one party is working and the other isn't resentment can build up. I think you need to focus on really getting a job so you get your independence back and that in turn will boost your self confidence and make your decision making capabilities clearer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): I urge you to try to talk to him before walking away from your marriage. Of course you don't trust him, how can you? Ask him straight out what's going on. Why is wanting to cheat? Let him know you don't appreciate it, and you are unhappy, and express your feelings of sadness/discontent to him. Sounds like you two really need to talk, and if you can't do it, seek out a minister, marriage counselor. But I would try to work it out first. If he shows no interest in working on things, then yes, get out.
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A
female
reader, ms.sherri +, writes (14 October 2008):
 1st when u look 4 something usually u will find it. So my advice 2 u would be 2 ask yourself can u see yourself without your mate. Remember your vows 4 better or 4 worse someone in the relationship must be the strong one and being u r it right now fight for what's yours. Don't allow things that happened in your past affect your future. If u change ur mind set, do things a little different. Remembering to stay kind and trying out new things he will she the person that he cannot be without. Its easy 2 leave but if u fight a good fight things will work out in your favor if u do it with a pure heart. I believe that everything will be fine. Stay positive and remember its better 2 use sugar and not vinegar in dealing with our mates. How do I know I was in the same situation and now im content ,happy,and able 2 give of myself to those who may need me. Huggs. Toi
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Dear
it is human mantality to attract towards the better options, But the only thing that can stop anyone for the better oppertunity is the Emotional security. If some one is convinced that the other option he' s having is for the short term and the relationship he is already enjoying is for a his long life, he will never go for grass eating.
But first n formost thing is that if you really love him or you feel that he is the best person you can have for your whole life than let him feel this from your acts(action) rather than your words.
If your love/efforts is true he will come back to you after romming around here n there, but dont let him feel bad when he 'll come back. because you can only win anybuddys heart by ur kindness not by ur aggarsivness.
All the Best.
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