A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am confused. I have the perfect man, willing to give me everything, and has been for the past 3 years. For some reason however, the feeling of going out and dancing, joining clubs, hanging out with friends, going to parties etc appeals so much more to me than staying home and being 'settled'. I am 28 and i realise it is the time in my life i should be starting to think about settling down and thinking about what i want in life. However, the other half of me says, life is too short to be with one person from now until forever. I dont know. I feel terrible to my man, as he is so dedicated, yet i feel so unappreciative and it must come accross to him that i am not sure what i want from our relationship. I know he would marry me today if i let him know i was keen. I am just not sure where we should be as a couple, whether i should be starting to think seriously, or whether i am being simply unfair to both of us by continuing the relationship feeling this way. Please help! is there anyone else out there that has been through this before? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Dear
Mens doesn't bound them selves. so they want their relationship to be free going. But if you feel that he will marry you considring ur keeness, I personaly think you should not force him because ur married life should not start just because of ur keeness, rather you should develop a same feelin in his mind so to settel down the things.
All the best
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (14 October 2008):
 Why does marriage have to be the end of fun an for some people? I am 23 married and still go out clubbing, partying with my friends, out and stuff. Being "settled" is realy about a state of being where you have had your general fill of it and dont do it as much. People normally and generally never stop going to parties and social gatherings even after marriage.
I am sorry, but you come off as a commit-o-phobe when it comes to an issue like marriage. It feels you have a really archaic view of marriage being a trap for your freedom and fun, risticting you to the house. I am living proof thats a bold faced lie if you are with the right person. The right person will understand your individuality and your personal needs and wont stop you for partaking in activities outside the house, even alone(i generally find it more fun if he is there). Marriage is not the end of the individual known as you.
Personally, I agree when you say life is too short. Thats where we stop agreeing. Life, for me, is far to short to spend time with the man I love. I want to do many things in my life and get through as many experiences as possible, but over all I want a partner to share in the jubilations of success and be my support for when life throws me a curveball. Someone who throughout my life I can say "knows me and gets me." So when you find that person there isn't enough time in the world.
To me you are either not with the right guy or you are letting the fact that he is at a higher stage of commitment frighten you. You really need to stop thinking marriage is the end of fun and all freedoms and really as adding a permanent travel partner through life. Then after that ask yourself if you wan him to be the one who sees your through the ups and downs, from now till the end.
Takecare
HonningKanin
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