A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Im a 30 year old women living in London. I'm single and have had around 6 serious boyfriends. Over the past couple of years, my elderly father has become very ill with a heart condition and dementia. It has been complicated as this things often are, and I have had to face my father becoming violent towards my mother and myself, and trying to settle him in a home. I do not live with my parents but have tried to be as supportive as possible with this.I have not gone to pieces over this time but pro-actively managed the stress and tried to concentrate on any positives I can find.I continued to date until around 3 months ago. I had two relationships during this time, of around 5 months. When they ended, I was crushed. The first ended because he wanted someone 'more fun' and into the same music as him, although I strongly suspect it could also be to find someone who didn't have an ill parent as he seemed uncomfortable with this. Admittedly, at the time I was struggling to come to terms with it and was feeling a bit low. The second, because he wanted me to see me on a weekend only schedule, with me traveling to him, and this coupled with cutting contact when i was back home helping with dad made me decide to split. I realise that my previous relationships have not lasted for good reasons but I am just so fed up of dating. It feels like it is just so competitive and always other girls out there for a guy to move on to. I see friends in relationships where the guy sticks with them through thick and thin so I know it is possible but not sure how to achieve this myself. Love just does not seem enough.I am struggling to see how I can go through yet again opening up to someone new and letting them into my life at what is a very delicate time for my family. I am trying hard to overcome this but it just doesn't feel like I will ever find someone who doesn't blow me out after 5 months or so. It has made me fearful. What do I do Cupid?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 March 2014):
 I think you have given us the KEY to your dilemma....right there in the text of your submittal....
You write: "....It has been complicated as this things often are,..."
My retort: No... things DON'T have to be "complicated, often." Figure out how to make your life LESS complicated.... and, I assure you, that things will get better...
Good luck....
A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (4 March 2014):
 First of all, don't be fearful of not finding love. As Cerberus suggested, it might be time to take a break from dating for a little while. You have so much going on in your life in this delicate time, the stress of helping care for your father being both an emotionally, mentally and physically draining task. A new relationship needs a lot of time and nurturing, which you just may not be able to manage at the moment. Be gentle on yourself. Maybe take some time out to be alone and do the things you enjoy. Pamper yourself. And when life settles down and you feel emotionally able to invest in a relationship, try dating again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2014): I think it's time to take a break from dating for a while and wait until the whole situation with your father has stabilised.
My mother in law is very ill at the moment and has moved in with us for support while she's receiving treatment. Our relationship was basically put on the back-burner and we devoted ourselves to her until everything got settled.
Now if your situation is stabilised and you feel that's not a factor then you have no need to worry.
OP both of those ended for reasons that are not a reflection on you or anything you've done as you well know. They're just things that happened. The first one you pretty much admit the situation with your father was factor, which is understandable because of the amount of stress and stuff you had to go through. The second sounds like he was a complete wanker so no great loss there either. It might have even been a case of you getting rid of the fool sooner.
OP take another couple of months to recharge, you sound like you're still reeling a bit from what's been happening the past year. You've had a lot of upheaval in your life. Being with a guy is not that important, certainly right now it's not. Don't worry about any bio-clock shite or the dreaded 3-0 you ladies are so scared of, you need to take time away from factoring men into the equation of your life and focus on you for a little while. There's no rush and you may aswell wait until you really feel ready.
After that just dust yourself off and get back on the horse. Simple. Your exs aren't 6 failures, they're 6 obstacle overcome with lessons attached that will lead you to your destination. You may only have do it one more time to find a guy you work with or ten more times. Just don't drag them out longer than needs be, but don't give up on it either.
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