A
male
age
51-59,
*ack234
writes:I have a problem with something that's going on with my relationship.My fiance and I have been together for almost 6 years now and things could not be better. He has always had this friend that I didn't like because he's loud, obnoxious, and just rude. My fiance knows that I don't like him and always tell him he needs to find a new friend who's not a scumbag. He's straight as far as I know, he's always had girlfriends (his friend).Anyways, my fiance and I had a Christmas party last month and his friend was there. Well, everyone had drank and so his friend spent the night. I had fallen asleep in the living room and figured that my fiance would wake me up when he was ready to go to bed, but he fell asleep in the bedroom without waking me up. I woke up halfway through the night and his friend was trying to kiss me and fondle me so I smacked him. He got upset and tried to hold me down and kiss me and I screamed. My fiance came out and they got into a huge fight. Anyways, my fiance broke his jaw... (longer story).This past week he's been feeling guilty, like what has happened is his fault, and saying he should have listened to me, and how he blames himself and just putting himself down. He's also been extra over-protective lately. What can I do or say to him to "comfort" him and calm him down? I don't know what to say to him or do for him. He's just been different in that sense lately. I love him with all of my heart and he's always been there for me.
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female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (5 January 2008):
 If this was a totally "good friend" of his, it's probably really killing him inside to think his so called good friend did this to you and to him! And how long did he know him?? THAT is eating him up, he lost his so called good friend because of the stupid thing that he did to you. Imagine you losing your good friend...how would you feel? (but you know, when your gut is telling you "something" about someone, it's normally right - you already didn't like him) This was just another side of him, you didn't know. And alcohol is no excuse...learn to say "when" so you don't get that bombed to do something so stupid you'd regret...we ARE adults! That's if it had anything to do with it or not!
As far as comforting...there really isn't much you can do. As long as he knows that you love him, you were proud of him for getting that guy off you and him not hurting you...that is what counts. Don't repeat 100 times you thought he was going to wake you up or that's all he's going to continue to think!!! You can't undo the past it's already happened. He will eventually find a new male friend...but that may take time. Just being his best friend right now is about all you can do...but just let him know everyday you love him. Give it time, he will get better.
A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 so his apparent "Straight" friend made a pass at you, the fiance.I don't think that's guilt. I think it's disapointment he has just been betrayed by his friend.what can you say, show him how he feels. Ask him what his thoughts on it are.Again as i keep saying, relationships are about communication. If you can't talk with the person you love - then that doesn't show much.You know what to do and what to say when the time comes.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 Tell him that what has happened has happened and there is nothing more that can be done about it.
Tell him that you have settled this episode and have come to terms about what happened and do not blame him .You have moved on and he too should not be too harsh on himself.
Act your normal self and in time , he will be back to normal again.
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A
female
reader, orkney girl +, writes (5 January 2008):
just keep telling him you love him. you could try adjusting the balance of blame so to speak by saying it was your fault as you were the one that had drunk a wee bit too much and fell asleep on the sofa leaving yourself open to the 'attack'?? it is not your fault or your fiances, it's that so called friend of his. it's just a bit of reverse psycology too if nothing else generates a real conversation about what happened. your fiance could in no way have predicted what was to happen any more than you could. the fact that you were right about his friend been a scumbag needs to be put aside for now and just concentrate on reasuring your fiance that no one is to blame other than the scumbag.guilt is a very difficult thing to shake off its a very personal thing like a form of grief and it's down to that old thing time to sort out. just keep things calm and loving xxx
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