A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was really looking forward to meeting a man I have have been talking online to. This morning he dropped the bombshell he would only ever"tolerate" a dog and his argument is he thinks its cruel to keep them as pets anyway. I am quite hurt as my dog is a rescue dog and I adore him. This man has two children under six so how about I mention I would "tolerate" them. We haven't even met and I feel put out already. I feel a bit upset by his comments:( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2015): Hello I asked for advice. I totally agree. I love my dog and being with anyone who doesn't would be too difficult. Sometimes when someone says something it takes a while to sink in. Thank you for your wonderful replies all of you c
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (10 December 2015):
 Crazy as it sounds but there are people that actually get jealous over the relationship between man/woman and his best friend which can have negative consequences for the animal.A totally agree with C Grant...love me, love my pet.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (10 December 2015):
 This is an easy one. Don't waste your time feeling hurt. His views on pets and yours are not compatible, and as such, you see it as a dealbreaker. Don't take it personally, because it's not a rejection of you or your dog.
You don't need to retaliate by trying to take a shot at his kids or even making the comparison. You're not that person.
You need a pet lover as a mate. In talking to this guy, it's never been clearer that you need someone with a heart for rescues and pets. Don't meet this one. Just tell him that you're looking for a fellow pet lover, thank him for his honesty, and then cut him off.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2015): I love animals but I just can't live with one. It is really cultural too. If you don't grow up with any pets is hard to live with them later but it doesn't mean you don't love them. Comparing his children with your dog is just strange.
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male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (10 December 2015):
Dog lovers are just a poor match for those who would have no more feelings for a dog than to just tolerate it. His argument that it is cruel to keep pets is a thinly disguised way of rationalizing his attitude that is likely due to being jealous of the attention you show to your dog. The vast majority of dogs are highly happy in their human surroundings. At least he was truthful and admitted to this before you got really involved. But taking away points for insensitivity, jealousy and sentiment against dogs, he scores as a loser. Move on.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 December 2015):
 Oh well, NEXT!
And there's no point in mentioning his children at all.
You're going through the dating process which means you'll meet some men who seem fine in initial contact but as you get to know them, you realize they aren't as good a match as they seemed.
Hang in there!
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (10 December 2015):
 Love me, love my dog.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2015): He isn't a bad person for feeling like that, he just isn't a dog person and probably had reasons for feeling that way. Have you asked him why he would think the way he does?I have been in houses of people who own more than one dog, they are running around, the house smells and the owners haven't got a clue how to look after them. Has he had experience of people who just cant look after an animal to save their life.Some people say that its not the dog thats at fault when its nasty but the owner. When I was little my parents bought a Yorkshire terrier, my family are quite gentle, would never ever hurt a fly or mistreat any animal. The dog was taken out every day, showed lots of affection and well looked after but he was nasty. At the end of the day dogs are animals and can be nasty sometimes no matter how well you treat them. So that put me right off ever having a dog.Where you say how would he like it if I said I could only tolerate children, to me that sounds really crazy as i absolutely adore children and would never even switch the dog for his kids in this context as it would never enter my head.Ive read questions on here before where a man wanted to move out of his home with his dog because their little girl had allergies and asthma and couldn't be around pets. People were saying that was understandable and the child should just take antihistamines etc. Ive realised that some people are absolutely passionate about dogs. But some people, like myself, aren't.Some people have bad experiences with dogs so don't let it upset you that he's said this, he may just have bad memories of them.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 December 2015):
 This man obviously hasn't ever kept a dog. He doesn't know what he's on about, do NOT take his comment to heart. Hes not talking about you or that he thinks you are evil or that your dog should be.. I dunno, put down, because you can't exactly "set free" a domestic dog.
My guess is that he comes from a different background than you. I've seen how some people keep dogs. Mostly when I've been abroad, but also in Norway. No matter if you have laws against animal cruelty, there will always be those who do not know how to treat a living creature, and will mistreat it. I've seen dogs chained up outdoors with only 1 meter to move about, in striking heat with no water. Yes, that is animal cruelty, and if all dogs owners did this I would agree with the online chap.
I think, if you're still interested in him for his other qualities, that you should talk some more to him about this and what he's experienced to make him so adamant against keeping dogs, and why he feels it is cruel. Then calmly inform him about how you treat your dog, and maybe if he comes to visit he will see things differently (he probably will). I would ask him to not judge it before he's seen you and your dog together. I would also acknowledge, to him, that there are indeed some who treat animals cruelly, so you can understand where he's coming from if that is his experience.
Other than that, men are known for putting their foot in their mouth. Don't always put emphasis on the things they say, often it's just a wrong choice of words.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (9 December 2015):
 This is a no brainer for me. My pets have been and always will be cherished members of my family. I personally would never date someone that could only "tolerate" a pet. My children have teased me that I treat my cats better than I did them. Animals are like babies..they just want to be loved and cared for and they give you so much back in return! They love us and need us to protect them and keep them fed, happy and healthy. I can tell you that my kitty has seen me at my very worse and still loves me and will jump up right beside me and purr someone knowing when I need affection. They just know...
Find yourself who loves animals as much as you do. I'd drop this man in a heartbeat..sorry.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2015):
 Online dating can be hit or miss.. With this guy? I'd vote no meeting up. He goes in the "miss" pile.
And don't toss out the "tolerate" about his kids. Just because he "went there" doesn't mean you have to jump in the "rude-gutter" and join him. Just skip this fella.
I would NEVER (never ever) date a person who doesn't like animals or kids.
It's not like you have a pet tiger in the basement. You have a DOG. Dogs who have been part of human life for over 6,000 years. Nothing, ABSOLUTELY nothing cruel in having a pet dog. (unless you use it for dog-fights, which I'm sure you don't).
So yes, in short, go with your gut and pass this fella by. HIS loss.
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male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 December 2015):
 What does your heart tell you? You aren't going to dump your best doggy friend for someone you only know online are you?
In all new relationships there has to be a lot of give and take. It sounds like he is drawing some hard and fast rules to start with. Dogs and cats are like members of the family.
I know what I would do if I were you. I think you do too.
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