A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Guys, i'm just feeling slightly confused at the moment. I met a guy online. I thought we had something in common. He is a good man, he lives 200 miles away so we only see each other every other weekend but we chat every night on the phone. My problem is in the bedroom! He just doesnt seem to know what to do, it's all over in a blink of an eye, which i can deal with you know, we can work things out i can help but he just seems frigid to me. He never makes the first move and i'm getting annoyed, as it's making me feel unatractive. I try and talk about it but i can see he is uncomfortable and i dont want to push him in case he has issues and i dont want to make it worse.... and how can i moan at him? he calls me every night and he visits me every other weekend... doing that journey! He takes me out we have a good laugh, but the physical contact thing is getting me down.... he doesnt even seem to want to cuddle, it's almost as if he sits on his hands when i sit next to him. I want someone i can potentially move in with and start something for real... i dont know how he managed to get a daughter.... maybe its me... any advice from anyone, am i being a complete bitch?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): If he makes you feel unnatractive,then you may see yourself as unnatractive. He is not cuddling you suggests he doesnt feel comfortable enough or emotional for you, simply because you are available,and he shouldnt be blamed for making you feel unnatractive he is not a tool to boost up your ego,its not his duty to make you attractive to yourself. He is being sensible and your... "I want someone i can potentially move in with and start something for real" ....in itself shows a personality that could fall in and out of love very quickly. He will have spotted it in you.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 How long has this relationship been going on?
I don't think you're being a bitch. What you're feeling is completely normal in the situation you describe. I've been there, and felt that. Always having to initiate does exactly what you describe. My last GF was that way, I always had to initiate and it left me feeling unwanted and worthless. The worst part was when I tried to talk about it she just shut down, very much like how you describe this guy.
The thing is, in a relationship the only way past problems is through communication about them. If it's a problem to you, then it matters to the relationship, because if you deny it, you will just end up exploding later. Depending on how long you've been together I'd either advise you to give it a bit more time, or have a heart to heart about this. It needs to be out in the open, and you need to share what you're feeling. Your feelings are valid.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): if you were younger i would offer different advice, but there is not reason to play so coy with sex. if you are close enough in a relationship to "do it" then you are close enough to "talk about doing it".
it only takes a minute to make a daughter =) obviously, you want affection etc. so you'll just have to make this conversation happen. i would do it in person and with an opportunity to practice what you preach so he won't get stuck with obsessing over it.
this is a big deal, so if he can not or will not address it then you should be prepared to respect your needs. these sort of things typically get worse rather than better so get to it with him. good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): Im 40 years old male,i do see that there is possibility he likes you as a person but may not be attracted to you as much as he should. Also he doesnt know you so well and you have everything planned out,maybe he finds it off putting?
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