A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK, so I have never tried anything like this before. I just don't know what to do. I have been with my gf for 12 years. Living together for 11. I would have asked her to get married. but she was married previous to our relationship, and reminded me throughout that she had no interest in remarrying. Well she got it in her head that I cheated on her several years ago. Which absolutely did not happen. And I have been dealing with that for the last 8 years or so. She would go through spells where she wouldn't come home for weeks. I wouldn't hear from her. And she would always say about this "girl". When this happens usually there is a new "friend" that she wants to hang out with. She has many many guy friends. Many of which I know. But then there are these new "friends" like the one she has been seeing lately. I have found little love notes from him. Its not the first time guys have written her notes. She just seems to have every damned guy in the world trying to win her heart. She tells me she loves me but goes out without me constantly. Last night we were going to go out to a club together. I had just gotten home from work. I told her I was going to take a nap and wake me up in an hour and we would go. She came up 45 min later I was already up. And said she wanted me to get more sleep. So she made plans to go eat with another friend, to meet her at the club later. This was 8:30. So I go to the club at 11 as I am walking in this "friend" pulls up outside and texts her I go in she gives me a hug and leaves with this guy. I am about to snap out at this point. So after this she will not answer my calls or texts. He dropped her off about an hour later. And I leave. Then she still will not answer me. She comes in at 6 am. And the reason she had to talk to him is to tell him they can't be friends anymore. They have known each other for a month. And they had to have an hour long private conversation at his house about why they couldn't be friends? Because it was ^^^^^g me off. She also recently lied to me about being at his house and pretended to be somewhere else. I love her. I am going crazy. Any help?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 September 2012):
 Damn!! How deep does the excrement have to pile up on you before you realize that it's there???????
Dump her and move on in your life. This girl doesn't give a fig for you.....
Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell out again and not home yet. We did buy a house. I am starting to pack my things. Don't know where I am going but. I suppose I will figure it out. I have a lot of loose ends to take care of. She has keys to a garage I rent that contains some of our car collection, tools, parts. We have 14 antique/ classic cars. I guess I have to change the locks on it today. Not super how this will all play out... I bought and paid for almost all the cars and parts. Though some are in her name. guess there is nothing I can do about that..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel just like you say. We bought a house together no children but we have dogs. We also have an extensive antique/classic car collection and parts. Most of which I bought and paid for but half I bought for her. About 14 cars between. 1930 and 1970. some in my name. some in hers. some in ours.I have such mixed emotions. One minute I want to grab my shit and leave. Another I want to believe her. Another I want to beat the hell out of someone. I guess I have to just find another place to go. I moved away from my home town to be with her. For the first year we drove back and forth. It was a 3 hr drive. We met in person. Not on the internet. And I have made a couple of friends here. 3 really and only 1 really really good friend and I mean he is a hell of a friend. Now I don't know what to do about leaving. I always thought if anything ever happened to our relationship I would just go home. And be with my friends and family. Now I am torn as my best friend from home has moved half way across the country. And there is no job there. And I have all this shit to move. I am just so beaten down by all this I am having a hard time even thinking.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): What's the matter with you man?!!!The fact is you've become a doormat, pure and simple. This woman has used this cheating scenario to basically do what she wants. So she leaves with another man, doesn't answer her phone and all you do is get mad? Why didn't you cut of all contact? She's basically disrespecting you, no not as man disrespect, but as in a relationship disrespect because that is what a relationship should be about, mutual respect.She's going out without you, going to guy's houses, having guy's send her love notes???? She probably gets a buzz off doing this to you because you get mad, then probably get clingy, ask her lots of questions, meanwhile she's tripping off this power and probably goes out and does what she wants anyway because with you there are ZERO CONSEQUENCES!!You take her back each and every time! I hate this phrase but I will use it in your case.. Grow some balls!Cut her off, this woman doesn't love or respect you and plays head games with you, why do you want that drama in your life? I don't understand men like you, and yes I am having a go at you because in her eyes you are weak as you are in my eyes too, harsh but true.You have to respect yourself before you can respect others, if you two do not own a house together then one of you has to move out because she has to see that her actions have consequences and that if she continues to act this way she will lose you for good. Good luck to you mate honestly, be brave, join a dating site, you really don't need this type of woman in your life!Update us if you can.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 September 2012):
To be honest, I think this relationship has been dead or some time. She's spend 8 years thinking that you've cheated, and rather than either end it or get help for her own issues, all she's done is behave pretty badly.
Whether she's cheated, or whether she's cheating now is actually irrelevant. The point is that she's not making any effort with the relationship, and even more telling is that you caught her lying about being at this guy's house.
There are signs there that she is cheating, but not anything entirely conclusive. But, there are more signs that you should just boot her out and move on anyway because of her poor behaviour elsewhere.
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