A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and things have generally been quite up and down. Its been quite a passionate relationship i would say - the good times really good and the bad times really bad. But things always worked out. More recently, he has been having family problems - his father has been having an affair for going on 2 years and cut a long story short, his mother eventually told him to leave and it looks like he will end up moving in with who he is having the affair with. Now, my boyfriend is not one to talk, he knew about this with his dad 3 months before telling me about it, and considering we see each other every day, it's shocking he never told me. And even when he did, he was reluctant, stuttering and crying (something i had never seen) and only said his dad had been made to leave - not why he had been made to leave. Over the past couple of months, things have progressed up until just over a week ago when his father's house keys were taken off him and this really marked the beginning of the end. And since this, our relationships gone majorly downhill.. my boyfriend has split up with me...twice. Only suggesting he would "see how it goes" when i begged him to try again. He's quiet and moody. He sleeps all day into the evening, not like him at all - he's always be an early morning person. He doesn't go out, even particularly see his friends which usually he loves and spends most time with his mother. One minute he says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants, next he's so unahppy and never wants to see me again. For no real reason. He tells me its nothing to do with life at home, i just feel that if he isn't able to speak about things and he's so down then this must have an impact right? and if this is the case, what can i do about it if anything? because he's telling me its over and thats it but maybe we could be friends. Yet yesterday it was "i'm so confused, but i want to see how it goes". What do i do?
View related questions:
affair, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (6 April 2009):
Hiyah, well look youve done all you can, now the relationship has reached its peak let it go. You can do no more than you have and you should be leaving with your head held high. He is a very confused and lost guy right now yet maybe his intentions to break off a relationship were what he thought best for now? Whatever his motives i think he genuinly liked you it was just the timing. Let him sort it and even if you do hold a future let it go for now, the future is important but you need your present to be fresh in your mind. Your a string person and you did the right thing, he will see this one day and will be so greatful, youve been a good person and you put him before yourself, you did all you could and i think he knows that. Your the one he will never forget the one that showed him the real him, be proud of that but at the same time find your own way. Reach your own goals in life and start enjoying it. Best of luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Original Shiraz! for your response. There seems to be a lot of sense in what you're saying. Sadly, my fighting seems to have come to an end as for the past 2 days he had stuck to not wanting this anymore saying it doesn't make him happy. I tried and tried to suggest that other things in his life may be changing his view on our relationship but he claims not and that he is happy to be by himself now. Yet I do have to say, when I met with him for the last time today and we officially said our goodbyes, when asked "won't you miss things" he replied with a sort of uncontrollable smile and "of course but i'm not thinking about those things". Why would he smile? surely this is a sad time, and he is not a complete insensitive idiot, he was very loving and caring. He also suggested that we may see each other soon... after i have pretty much begged him not to let me go?! why would he say this if he is so unhappy and so doesn't want to be with me? If i wasn't confused before, I am now and am questioning how seriously he takes ending it with me. It seems, the more upset i am over us breaking up, the more angry he gets with me, telling me to leave it and to cope. Yet when i try and persuade him to stay, it seems as though he is trying to constantly convince himself always stating "look i'm finding this hard enough, please just leave it". I have decided to try my best and get on with my life, but i am truly sad to have this end. Surely there is nothing i can do to make this better now?
...............................
A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (5 April 2009):
He is very confused and is reluctant to blame family issues. His head is so messed up and its all out of his control, when you loose that you get so fustrated and your confidence is shattered, he probably feels like hes worthless and very alone right now. If you really love him right now he needs you, hes pushing you away as he doesnt want to hurt you, he blames himself and he does not want to repeat the past. there may be things more deeper that hes not letting on to you, try and understand him at a time where he really needs you too. Youve been a rock so far so battle out the rest of his emotioanl rollercoaster, he will love and respect you in the end he needs you, he needs that stability support and guidance he is lacking at the moment. His family life has just fell apart and he cant do a thing. All you need to do is be the normality in his life, thats what he needs right now. i know its a time that revolves around his needs and i respect that you have yours but this is one lost messed up guy that has no idea what to do where to go and how to love, show him the only way you know how. Come through this together, be strong take all the crap he throws at you itll be worth it in the end its just if you make it through to the end thats the problem...
Good luck to you both
...............................
|
