A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting divorced, and felt low at the weekend. I drank too much at home alone so texted a guy that I fancy, and asked him to come over for a drink.... I didn't hear back, and am now very embarrassed about it. What should I do now? I bump into him quite often, he's getting divorced and our children are at school together). He must know now that I fancy him, I would like to stay friends with him and don't want this to spoil it!
View related questions:
divorce, drunk, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): First of all, you did not text him because you were drunk and felt low. Cause I have been dumped before, feeling the lowest I have ever felt, heartbroken, drunk as hell and still handled my loneliness and broken heart just fine without resorting to sending drunken texts to crushes or exes or whatnot. So you can't blame the alcohol or the broken heart for what you did. Cause the only reason you did what you did has to do with your character and NOT with how broken hearted and drunk you were. Cause I know about broken hearts and I especially know about being drunk, and neither have ever caused me to behave in a way that didn't reflect my true character. The reason I am throwing this out is because the only way to go about this is to be HONEST about it. But if you are going to be honest with him you have to start out by being honest with yourself. So alright you made a mistake. So don't try to cover your tracks and act or say that you were drunk or blame this or that. I mean if he has to know because you feel like you have to explain yourself than just say "look I had a weak moment and I called you cause I thought you could keep me company." Or something like that. And then don't say anything else and wish him a good day. I mean he already knows why you called him. And it is ok to make mistakes. EVERYBODY makes them. What's important is to not repeat them. So don't be hard on yourself and just accept it and learn from it.
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 I would act like it never happened, unless he brought it up.
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (10 December 2007):
 Being the sender of an unresponded to text message and also going through a divorce and of the same age as you, I'll share with you what I've learned.
I hate text messaging as you don't know if the person you texted got your message or how they interpreted it. I'm not going to do texting anymore, either phone or person to person.
In regards to not getting a response and feeling like you put yourself out there...oh well. I would tend to shrug it off and wait until you see him face to face to see how he responds to you. He might say something like, "oh, I was tied up that night" or "I'm just not ready for anything yet." And then there's always the chance he never got your text message.
Don't text him again until you settle what's going on with him. And for heaven's sake, don't feel bad about having feelings, at least your getting out there and able to feel again. What a joy that is.
I have to confess that I shortly ago sent a text to the guy I fancy (and who claimed to fancy me) along the lines of "I miss you, I miss talking to you." He never responded and I don't get the chance to see him around.
Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (10 December 2007):
 Personally i would not worry too much about it, if it was just text messeging he probably would not have know you were drunk, unless you had a bout of serious bad spelling. Don't text message again, instead next time you see him try to be as normal as you can, and ask him if he still fancies that drink.
All the best x
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 December 2007):
 Hi,
dont worry about it. If anything it will give you an excuse to get things out in the open. Personally I wouldnt text message him again - it is such a impersonal thing to do for me anyway.
Next time you see him simply state that you had some drinks with some friends and worked up a bit of dutch courage ( probably best not to mention that you were drinking alone ). Say you are sorry, you do like him but you dont want him to get the impression that you are hitting on him. There is no denying that it is an embarrasing moment for you, so a bit of damage control is required. Offer an apology and leave it at that. If he is any sort of man worthy of you he will laugh it off, if he doesnt then the man has no sense of humour and you are better off not pursing things further.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): You dont really have to do anything as you havent done anything wrong. He hasnt any real reason to treat you any different than ever. He may even get back in touch and maybe he`s not really certain who sent the text.However,dont dwell on its negativities because its not a crime.
...............................
A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (10 December 2007):
 As long as all you did was send an invitation, then there's no worry. You like him anyway, and you're about to be single.
The next time you bump into him, you might apologize for being forward and say that if he's not into you to, no worries, that you're prefer the friendship.
Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): I think the moderator got the title to your question slightly wrong, but never mind!
I don't think you'll have spoiled it by sending a drunken text (depending upon what you wrote, of course!) and no doubt he's flattered. He may be feeling a bit raw, seeing as he's going through a divorce himself or, of course, he may not fancy you as much as you do him.
Either way, and looking at this purely from a male 'receiving end' point of view, I'd say either text him again (making sure you've got his number right) and say something like "Well - how about it - you fancy a drink or what? No strings attached (yet)." Or you could actually use the phone to talk to him or, next time you see him at the school gate ask him if he got your text, then ask the same thing directly to his face if he didn't. Just offer him some female company if he ever feels the need.
There's nothing quite like face-to-face contact for picking up on whether he's interested or not, purely by the tone of his voice, enthusiasm or lack of it.
If it comes to it, explain that you were under the influence and feeling down at the time of the first text and that alcohol frees you up to say things that you're thinking, but would otherwise be too shy to mention. But tell him that the sentiments expressed therein remain the same. You've got two chances - he'll be up for it or he won't.
Best of luck
Phil
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis was not sent to my soon-to-be ex husband but a guy that I like!! Please change title!
...............................
|
