A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, same old tale... Fallen for a boy who doesn't want a relationship! Met, been seeing each other for few months, was totally honest about not wanting a relationship, which I respect him for and it's not even like I minded that he goes out in Leeds our home town and sleeps with girls, as I'm totally okay with open relationships... What bugged me in end, is that I wasn't special enough... Like I felt just like every other girl. He texted me or called everyday, he'd met my friends and tell him all bout his life and I met his friends,etc. but he'd constantly remind me that he don't like me that much. Like we were talking about perfect partner, like a checklist and I'd give him 7/8 outta 10 and he said I was a 6 for him!!!!! So basically not that right for him... He said it ain't a bad score... But it ain't good either! I don't know! Then few minutes later he says if I met you 5 years later I'd be with you properly it's timing! And also that he never let's on how much he really likes someone. I've done the right thing and I've walked away. But it's so hard. I really liked him, we got on amazing, laughed, shared secrets, fall asleep in each others arms all of it! I just want to forget him as his never gonna want me more. How can I forget him... Any tips? Thanks
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Hey, girl from Leeds ! greetings to you and to your nice town. I must be perhaps the only person in Europe thinking that Leeds has a charming, romantic atmosphere , but I do.
Nice people - and very good looking guys around :).
How can you forget him... letting time doing its magic, and taking responsibility. I don't mean beating yourself up, but, let's be honest, you like the guy, so you accept to be with him even if he does not want a relationship with you, in fact wants to be free to sleep with several other girls... well, of course you could not be that special to him !, you were on par with other people, this was implied in the nature itself of the situation,from the beginning -
if you want to feel special and unique,( nothing wrong with that ! ) stay away from " open relationships ", you want to THINK that you are OK with being in an open relationship, but your feelings belie you.
I say this not to make you feel bad , just to encourage you to know yourself well and act accordingly. You want to be special for someone ?, then don't even start FWB. Same as if you want a good steak, don't enter in a vegetarian restaurant.
But, you are asking, how do you cope with feeling wounded about not being special to him ? Rationality helps ; the fact is, everybody is special , -but not to everybody else. The rating, if you are a 4 or a 6 or a 10, is always relative, never absolute . The way he sees you, has got nothing to do with what you really are, only with the traits and qualities he appreciates or not, on a very personal base.
Like, I don't know, David Beckham would be a 9 or 10 for most of the world, he would rate a measly 5 with me. I am not into sports, I don't like soccer and I can't relate to people into sports or even making a living out of sports. And, at the Royal Wedding he put his decoration on the wrong lapel :)- this gets minus points with me , I like men that are socially savvy and do the right thing in ANY
environment . Do my own preferences and quirks make David Beckham less of a catch ? No of course . Just,he's not my cup of tea, ( Victoria can relax now ) , that's all.
That you were a 6 for this guy, does not mean that you can't be a 10 , an out-of-the scale 12 for dozens of great guys out there who'd feel lucky to meet you. Just, choose wisely next time.
A
female
reader, Gherkinsaregrim  +, writes (2 May 2011):
Best thing to do is cut him out your life, do not relapse! Your from Leeds where I was born and lived for almost 2 decades so I know sometimes it feels like everywhere in that place is same old same old.Treat yourself to a night out somewhere you wouldn't normally go, get dressed up with your mates and try forget for the night so you can renege what it's like to smile :)
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