A
female
age
30-35,
*tockholmsyndrome
writes:Hi everyone. I have a problem. Huge one. I will have to start from the beginning and for that I am sorry...It's a long story folks...It's been over 4 years since I broke up with the ex-bf in question. We have spoken now and then. I have had other boyfriends meanwhile. He has had a girlfriend for some time now (maybe 3 years or something like that). I also have a boyfriend right now (for almost 2 years...). But during all this time there was not a day that I didn't think about him. He was my first love and I still care a lot about him. If I had it my way I would be crazy enough to want to try things again. But our relationship was always very complicated and we hurt each other a lot. Obviously we grew up and we're not the same people anymore... So I am aware that thinking about a new relationship with him is ridiculous and utopic. In what concerns my current boyfriend, it's not that I don't like him. But there are loads of things that are not right with our relationship:1. There's the ghost of the above mentioned ex-boyfriend (the ocasional similarities between them and the "omg I am thinking about my ex while I kiss my BF" also happen. A lot.)2. The sex is...well...not great. Actually...It's horrible (it hurts soooo much...)3. He has a difficult personality and so do I...And things have not been well lately between us. I just want to be happy and forget my ex boyfriend so I can truly give my heart to someone else and not just broken pieces of it. What should I do? Please help!
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female
reader, magie  +, writes (7 May 2011):
HiIf this makes you feel better I was in love with one guy for 6 years until I meat someone else. Now I am also in love with another guy for 4 years as well. Love is strange thing and at least with me it doesn't fade away so easy.I don't know how people live in marriage for so long but for me nothing else work apart of meeting someone else. I had only one situation when feelings fade away without meeting new guy but he was real bastard he even invited me to his own weeding. So no wonder.I wish you all the best don't stress out much cause you have feelings just try to accept that as part of life and try to meet someone else. My another friend was in relationship with guy 7 years and they break up long time a go and she still loves him but she also try to meet someone else. As much as you cant force love you cant stop it so easy eitherAll the best
A
female
reader, stockholmsyndrome +, writes (3 May 2011):
stockholmsyndrome is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Shamandalie, Thank you very much for your help. It's great advice. I also got worried because I will probably see this ex-boyfriend at an event that I am going to attend...So maybe that also helps the fact that I have been thinking more about him lately? On what concerns sex I have seen a doctor yes. She says that I am normal but my uterus is slightly orientated backwards which might be part of the cause of some of the discomfort I feel. Also she says that, since he is my first sexual partner and I am still so "tiny" and haven't stretched, the fact that he has a big penis might also contribute to the pain. Obviously that the fact that I know that it is going to hurt probably also contributes to the catastrophe.
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A
female
reader, Shamandalie  +, writes (3 May 2011):
Oh dear that is too long. There is always the "I thought of my ex" thing going on. Something your current bf says or does that brings him back to mind. The brain can be tricky. But you shouldn't confuse that with feelings of wanting him back. You don't forget him completely, because he's part of your past and a part of who you are now. Specially if he was the first one.
Maybe the ghost of the ex is making things harder with your current. Or maybe you can see it the other way around and find that it's the difficult time you're having with your current bf that brings the memories of the ex to mind. You're saying he's difficult to deal with.
And about the hurting sex, have you seen a doctor?
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