A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What are the signs of being used as a place-holder? Ive recently felt like my gf isnt as energetic about talking to me as she used to be. she is usually sad, avoids me on msn, when i am round hers shes not as cuddly, blames her parents for it because its not allowed, but they let her other sisters be as cuddly as they want...she admits she could pay me more attetion etc, but clams up when the issue is pressed further, i also feel paranoid because she spends lengthy amounts of time on the phone with her ex, infront of me, i ask her politely to get him to phone when im not around, because it eats into my time with her, and i dont enjoy being second best to her ex. she snaps back at me saying that im just being over-sensative.my gf has generally been grumpy, and upset, shes apparantly been difficult at work, making too many mistakes and taking on too many tasks at once, also not working as a team in her office dept, shes recently stormed out aswell. i worry about every aspect of her happyness and if the sadness makes her un-interested/un-invested in our relationship, she often talks about moving out with me, but she has upped her contact with her ex a lot more recently. shes also contacted my female friends and me to stop talking to each other, i have introduced them to show her that they are no threat and are just friends who are in long term commited relationhsips. she wont introduce me to her ex because we wont get along. she drives in the dark to see him, but cannot drive to see me in brad daylight because i live too far away and her eyesight isnt so good. she wont drive for me at night, anyway GF bashing aside, what are definite signs of being a place holder or having so little emotional investment its time to leave? thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, visione  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 It's never ever a good sign she's spending time with you... on the phone with her ex! And then snaps at you. How rude, especially since you have asked her to stop. You obviously have nothing to hide so you feel comfortable introducing your female friends to her - however, she doesn't trust you and her ex together.
It doesn't look like she's over her ex, or she's hiding something about her ex from you. Her actions speak "I'm withdrawing from you", both emotionally as well as physically. Perhaps there are some difficulties in her life, but thats no excuse to treat you like that. Have you tried telling her you are concerned about how she is acting, and that you'll be there for her if she ever needs it?
If she doesn't want to talk about it or doesn't accept your support, you should just walk away. It's obviously making you feel unloved in this relationship.
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