A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently moved in with my boyfriend that I met in military training. I just recently noticed that he looks at internet porn ALL THE TIME. The wierd thing is that he doesn't try to hide it like most guys I hear about. Usually something like this wouldn't bother me but he does it so frequently! It makes me wonder if our sex life isn't enough for him or if I'm not attractive enough. Self esteem is usually not an issue for me but I love him so much maybe that's why it bothers me??? Should I ask him to stop or just leave it alone? I hear about porn addicts n I'm worried it'll get that far. What are some signs that indicate he's going that route?
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female
reader, iamhims +, writes (14 January 2008):
 I understand how you feel exactly. My BF truly doesn't think he's doing anything wrong either. He would be right if he were alone. He once said that he just wasn't used to having a second venue for sex and I resonded with "I am your first choice, if you expect to be my first choice." He said he understood but, for the past 6 weeks, since I found out he had been paying for it by the minute and neglecting me, we haven't talked about it because he swore he quit. I looked today and I found porn cookies almost everyday since then. So now he's lying about it, too. I try to believe that he loves me and to not take it personally but, no matter how you slice it, you can't help but feel rejected and straight up dissed by it. You know?
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 He becomes a porn addict when most of the time , he is online just watching porn and nothing else.
He is addicted to porn when he seems to neglect his work or spend less and less time with you.
You can read more from this site;-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): Hi, I can completely sympothise with how this makes you feel as I have had what I thought was excessive porn watching within my relationship too.
Like in your case my partner didnt hide it, so I approached the subject - he really didnt see the harm he was doing and said he thought if I knew he was watching it it would be less of a problem than if I came accross anything that he had hidden from me.
I told him that I could see what he was saying but it still didnt change the way I was starting to feel about myself, so I asked him what he was looking for from porn and he told me not to think that he was interested in the type of girls or even comparing them to me because its about the act not the people in it.
I told him I didnt want him watching it on my computer but he was welcome to have it on his phone or dvds, I also told him to limit it when I am around because it makes me uncomfortable.
Since then it has got less and less so I will encourage you to tell your boyfriend how you feel. I dont think that he is a porn addict but more that he thinks while your not on his case about it, then it mustn't be a problem and so is taking advantage. Hope this ramble helps x
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A
male
reader, xylplxym +, writes (13 January 2008):
Oh it's already that far, he's addicted. By addicted I mean that he couldn't stop even if he prefers the real thing. Not an uncommon thing though not something you should let go very easily. You should talk to him and expect alot of conflict. If your relationship is good then you can work this out. If not, then time to break up. Oh and by the way, he probably dosen't care if anyone is watching him because he never had to worry about it before.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): I used to go out with someone addicted to porn, and he could only usually be satisfied whilst on his own, watching porn.
However I dont think it was that our sex life wasnt enough for him, I think it was more of a bad habit he got into and couldnt/didnt want to get out of it.
It probably bothers you because for you he is enough, and its confusing why he needs porn because you dont. But men are more visual than we are, and thats why the porn industry is more relevant and targeted to them.
i personally think if he is quite open about it, it is less to worry about than if he was secretive. If you found out sneakily, it would be more troublesome.
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (12 January 2008):
 Well a hardcore porn addict will watch porn during sex.
Just tell him how you feel about him watching so much porn, I'm sure he'd at least cut back on it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): Well... I am a guy, who has had a girlfriend before and I enjoy porn on a daily bases. What I can tell say to you is that I didnt watch porn because my girlfriend wasn't putting out to me or because she was doing anything wrong. I did it because Ive done it for awhile and I enjoyed watching what goes on in porn.In my opinion , when you said "The wierd thing is that he doesn't try to hide it like most guys I hear about."I believe this is because it isnt something he will find offensive if you know about it, meaning he is more open to having you know. I never hid the fact that I watch porn often and I still do ..I know this reply is from my personal life but hopefully it can show you that it may not be as bad as it made out to be.On the other hand every person is different, I recommend you talk to him about it, let him know its a concern of yours and see what happens from there.Hope it goes well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): Well... it could be that he just likes porn. Hmmm, there are guys who like it a lot and watch it a lot more than others and still aren't addicts. Maybe he doesn't hide it 'cos he's used to it, and maybe he thinks you're cool with it.
Well, some signs of porn addiction are masturbating to it on a daily basis, refusing to have sex with you because of masturbating to it and/or having sex with you only with the porn on. I'm no expert, but my BF is studying Psychology and he told me once that the basis of every addiction is the inability of the person to give up the habit, kinda like they can't live without it.
I don't think he's an addict, however, I could be wrong. You should talk to him about it, it won't be easy to come up with the subject but if you do it calmly in a non-accusatory way it'll work.
Good luck! ;)
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