A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After being with my boyfriend for over a year I found out that he cheated on me a couple months after the fact. When I found out it completely ruined any trust I had in him but we tried to work through it. Although I genuinely believed that he was different and trustworthy now I had a hard time getting over the fact that he had be unfaithful and dishonest. Eventually I told him that I needed time and space to get over it and he was very understanding and told me to do whatever I needed to get myself in a position to be confident in him again. Long story short, during that break we still kept in contact for the most part and had stints where we hung out together and were intimate. At one point however, during a time when my ex and I were not talking, I started messing around with a guy I had messed around with once before my ex and I got together. At the time I thought that if I had been with someone else, I wouldn't obsess over the fact that my ex had been intimate with someone else. It worked and eventually, although it was almost 2 years after my ex and I had taken the break, I was past the cheating and wanted to get back with him.Also, during that break, I was at a bar with 3 of our mutual friends, one being my best friend and one being his best friend. Keep in mind that his best friend was somone I considered to be a friend of mine and not just because of my ex. Anyway, that night his best friend hit on me and said that he had liked me and then tried to kiss me but I refused. That night I got ridiculously intoxicated on account that I hadn't really eaten that day. I don't remember much about anything that happened after the bar but from seeing pictures and talking to my best friend, I was pretty incoherent and ending up passing out. Now, we all ended up going back to my best friend's house after the bar and I passed out on the livingroom futon and my ex's best friend slept on the livingroom floor. Fastforward a bit, after that night I was really angry with my ex's best friend because I felt he really crossed the line and so I stopped talking to him. I wanted to tell my ex but I ended up not doing so. 1. I felt that because that was his best friend for years before me, he may not believe me, you know how sometimes guys have that whole mentality of "bros over hos." And 2. If he did believe me I wasn't sure if I felt comfortable over being the reason behind two close friends from childhood ending their friendship because techincally my ex and I weren't together. So around the time that I decided that I wanted to be with my ex again this whole situation with his friend came out. However, according to the other guy that was there that night, my ex's best friend told him the next day that I performed oral sex on him in the middle of the night while we were in the living room. His exact words were that he just sat back while I did everything. Keep in mind that I was severely intoxicated and this all supposedly went down only an hour or 2 after I had passed out. It was to the point that my best friend checked on me several times before going to sleep to make sure that I was still breathing. Sooo I don't really believe that any of that could have possibly happened given my condition. For things to happen the way he said they did, I feel like I would have had to be in much more control of myself and I just wasn't I know the difference from being drunk and still being able to do sexual things but I assure you I was past that state. Also, I have alot of morals and ex's best friends are completely off limits. Not to mention that this guy is also someone that my best friend has a past with so that's an even extra big no no. And even aside from all of that, I am in no way and never have been attracted to this guy. I've never thought he was even cute at all and there's never been a sexual desire for him in any way. Keeping that all in mind, needless to say, my ex completely freaked upon hearing this. My ex completely wrote off his best friend but he still continues to talk to me because he believes my side of it more. However, because I was blacked out and can not say with a 100% certainty that the whole oral sex situation didn't happen, it drives my ex crazy. He also doesn't like the situation because even when we were together, he never liked the fact that I drank while I was out.(this is the first time anything like this has happened tho) Basically, my ex and I were trying to give our relationship another shot but he told me recently that before he can continue anything with me he has to get over this whole situation because it still makes him very angry. I'm understanding of this but in the meantime he wants to leave the possiblity open of seeing other people.My whole thing is that it took forever for me to look at him positively after I found out that he had been with other girls and now I don't think I can sit by a let it happen again. I know I was wrong for not telling him about the kiss but I found out about the whole oral sex thing the same time he did. I really don't believe that it's possible that it could have happened but I understand why he struggles with getting past it. My question is, what do I do? I really love this guy and I feel like we compliment each other so well and if we were able to get past all this b.s. we would be perfect together. It's been 7 months since this whole best friend situation came out and I'm not sure how much longer he's going to need to get past this. I've been completely committed to him and working this out during this 7 months and I don't know how much longer I can do it or even if I should at all? What do you think?I know this was long and for those of you that make it through it all thank you so much. I would really love any advice you have on this because I'm completely lost. Thanks so much :)
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best friend, cheated on me, drunk, his ex, my ex, oral sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 I think you are just wasting your time. If he loves you , he will forget and forgive you. Whatever you do will not bring him back to you because he has already decided the course of actions.You need to accept reality.
If he comes back to you , you can accept him back . But if you are trying to convince him , it would be futile. It would look like you are crawling back to him.He would heap more scorn and contempts on you.
You can only wait for him to come to you.If you wait too long , you may becomes a stone statue.Let him go....
A
female
reader, hello1  +, writes (12 January 2008):
 How were you wrong about the kiss? you two weren't together at the time, also you didn't have oral sex with the guy like you said. I really don't see the problem, I can understand him being upset and jealous but he should be angry at his freind not you. You haven't done anything wrong! It's been 7 months already, you got to move on or have a serious talk with him. Sounds like he's leading you on a bit
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