A
female
age
41-50,
*9agegap
writes:what are the rules of a casual relationship? Hi all, I'm in a 'contractual' relationship with a guy. He's 10 years older than me, divorced and is not looking for a serious relationship. Plus he's not local. I just got out of a messy relationship as well and am not ready for anything serious. We talked about it and decided that we'll make use of each other for the time being. We connect intellectually and will provide comfort, intimacy and attention to each other. However, I have never done this before and I do not what the rules are. We decided we're not going to tell anyone about this, and we will not fall in love with each other. Him being a man and 10 years older might mean it's easier for him to follow that rule. I do not feel anything special for him for now, but as I've never done this before, I dunno if I can handle it. Have anyone of you had a casual relationship before and how did it go?We are pretty sure we want to remain friends no matter what happens though he does not want me to date other people as he thinks I'm messed up now and I should just get all the attention I need from him. He will provide me that and buy me presents and pamper me.Sounds like a modern day good deal.....only if I don't fall in love with him. Or should I continue waiting for true love? sigh
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (21 September 2008):
 First of all, by being in a "casual" relationship, that means you are not exclusive and therefore free to date other people if you like.
he has no control on this aspect of your life.
Don't let him set the rules.
Besides, if he's not the man you'll end up together, how do you expect to find "the one" if you are only allowed to see this guy.
This should set a red flad for you. He is older, so of course he wants the upper hand and control.
Stand your ground.
If he thinks, "you are messed up" than he is too, and he too shouldn't see other people. It's hypocritical.
This is a red flag on his part.
So basically you guys are using each other for your emotional, and physical needs until the right person comes along. That is why people have casual relationship.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (21 September 2008):
 What you wrote started off sounding ideal. By the end, why are alarm bells ringing about this guy? Doesn't want you to date anyone else, yet doesn't want to get serious with you, but wants sex etc? Hmmmm seriously smelling a rat. Sounds very controlling to me.
Why did the last relationship end messy? Do you think maybe you attract complex relationships?
C xxxx
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