A
male
age
36-40,
*auseaPunk
writes:I would like to ask a question....what do ypu think of intimate relationships/dating between co-workers? for example are they right? should they be avoided? also is dating between a boss/supervisor and a lower worker ethical?also can some of the agony aunts and uncles give me some of the warning signs/red flags of sexual harrasment in the work place?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2011): I have met a majority of women I was with in the workplace. One was many years ago and became my wife of 15 years. Now that I am divorced, it happened again and did not end well for my job. While it was not prohibited in any way, and we were discreet, my boss didn't like the situation and put me in a situation that resulted in me getting fired.
Not all things are that extreme, but I would say it is not a good idea. Stay friends, and dont let it go beyond that.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 I think that there can be problems dating a co-worker. If you break up and work together then what?
That being said I work for the federal government here and we have MANY married couples that work in the same building.... not allowed to work in the same area. AND NEVER allowed to have one spouse supervise another.
Boss should NOT date underling. EVER. NOT a cool thing. IF a boss finds an underling that he/she wants to have a relationship with ONE of them HAS to change jobs. Here if it happens they WILL move one partner...
your last question about sexual harassment concerns me... after the questions you've asked it sounds like your boss is hitting on you...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_harassment
Sexual harassment, is intimidation, bullying or coercion of a sexual nature, or the unwelcome or inappropriate promise of rewards in exchange for sexual favors
Basically a boss says "give me a blow job and you'll get a raise"
or more subtle "let's have dinner, and then sex" and then even if the person screws up at work the boss has their back..
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A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 I've tried dating a co-worker once, and I really regret it. It made work an awkward and difficult place to be, other people gossip and you get scrutinized a lot more by your boss. In my opinion, relationships and business should stay far away from each other.I have seen other people date through work and it's worked out fine, but more often than not it causes problems. And if two workers break up, it will make it so much more difficult since they're having to see each other everyday at work.As for supervisor's and lower level employees dating, it's usually a pretty big conflict of interest.At my old work, my manager was forced to transfer to another store because we found out that he'd been sleeping with one of the girls working on checkout. We found it suspicious since he was giving her all kinds of perks and bonuses and promotions etc. but then when we discovered they were "together," it all made sense. Thus he got into a lot of trouble.If you are seriously thinking about dating in the work place, I would advise looking up your company's policy on office relationships etc. some places really frown on things like that. While I don't think they can ban you from spending time with a coworker outside of work, they can make your worklife really difficult for you if they find out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): Having been in a situation similar to this I'd like to share my story. At the time I was new to the workplace, and ended up sleeping with a co-worker. It never panned out, but it wasn't like every one wasn't aware it was going on. Some places have a no tolerence policy for this, just check with some higher ups to see if its ok. Contrary to this, I do have a couple of co workers who are dating, and, other than the stress of being around each other a lot, it seems to be faring well. Don't stress about it too much at this point. You'll just worry yourself sick over nothing.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (7 October 2011):
Hi there. You haven't actually said this, but one of the very first things you have to establish, is - is he married or single? Is he already in a relationship?
Someone else in your office might know this.
If it's only a new friendship, well then at some point he might happen to say - "We did this" or "We went here and did this."
And if he does say this, well you can be fairly sure he might be referring to the "we" as being him and a female.
I wouldn't go and ask him about it, because it's too obvious that you're fishing for information and it will come across that you are interested in him. And it's really important that you don't say anything like this, especially as he just might be married or otherwise taken. So then you would feel foolish, and you don't want to do that.
And at this stage, you are probably not entirely sure that he is simply being friendly, OR that he is showing genuine interest towards you which could be of a romantic nature.
So for this reason, you do need to carefully gauge it before you decide on how to get to know him better.
Don't flirt with him, in case he is married or taken and even if he is available, you don't want to get your wires crossed - in case he isn't interested in you in that way.
So as you have to work with him anyway, start by just being friendly and talking about whatever, without asking any personal questions so it doesn't look too obvious.
Then over time, a few weeks and you get to know more about him from just talking, you will probably discover some things about him or his hobbies and lifestyle, so you can get more of an idea about the life he lives. You might also find out in conversation, that he is married.
He might say something like - "my wife and I ...." - then you know once and for all then. So don't pursue it any further.
Supposing though that he is single and available and shows some kind of interest towards you, well then he might decide to ask you out for coffee one day.
People are often very wary of starting a relationship with a work colleague, just in case it goes sour over time, and then it makes things awkward when you still have to work together.
Some companies have work policies that prohibit inter office relationships, for that exact reason. And really, you can't blame them for that. Because any emotional upset, affects your work very negatively. So that's something to keep in mind.
Now regards sexual harrassment in the workplace.
Inappropriate touching when it's not welcomed, is classified as sexual harrassment. For instance if a man touched your bottom or breast, or even your hair. Even someone telling rude jokes in front of a female and she feels uncomfortable, or saying sexual type statements in front of a female which is not appreciated and is out of place, is also counted as sexual harrassment.
So be very aware of all these types of situations. In fact, any time you do not feel comfortable in the company of a male because he says or does something you don't like - sexual in nature - is sexual harrassment. Within reason of course. Common sense must always come into it, of course.
Just take getting to know him slowly, and it will take at least a few weeks to know more about him anyway. There is no hurry. Better to take your time now, than find out something and feel embarrassed because you jumped in too soon.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, NennaHB  +, writes (6 October 2011):
 I used to work in a place where the boss expressly prohibited any relationship between employees. Nevertheless, 2 people got involved with colleagues and 1 couple even got married.Personally, despite all the obvious advantages of dating a co-worker, I don't encourage it for the only reason that in case you break up, things are gonna get weird or worse - if the co-worker you used to date has no real moral values, he might tell things that you have told him in privacy.As far as dating your boss, well that's even more delicate. I am not sure if the line between dating and harassing is so obvious. I think there is no recipe, it all comes down to both people involved.As a personal example, my parents met at work and started dating after 2 years since working together. After 1 year more they got married. And still are married after 32 years.The obvious advantage of meeting someone at work is that you get to know them pretty well before considering getting involved, so chances are you get to met the real person, not someone who will be trying to impress you as you go on a first date and barely start getting to know each other.Weigh the pros and cons of it all and, most of all, try to know the other person very well before initiating a relationship.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (6 October 2011):
 You're treading on a fine lie of sexual harassment if your advances are not wanted by the person you're pursuing in the workplace. So you definitely have to be careful who/how you approach.And though having the possibility of an office romance may seem fun, convenient, and thrilling (especially if it's between boss and worker), I think the cons outweigh the pros in this situation. You have to consider things like...if in the event the relationship doesn't work out, or end up on a bad note, could you still function and work around/with that individual? Could you handle the possibility of jealousy in the office, if your co-workers believe you're getting unfair/special privileges (in the case of boss/worker)? And if the relationship is kept a secret how long is that going to go on for? Is that how you want to define the person that you're seeing...only as a secret boyfriend, girlfriend, or lover?In the end, it is up to you to decide what is the right thing for you. But just try to look at it from all angles if possible.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 October 2011):
 Many workplaces simply will not allow boss/subordinate people to be romantically involved (or, married). It's a common-sense rule that avoids any question of favoritism within a business unit.....
As for romances that occur outside that realm.... they can be tender... but are sometimes (maybe even, customarily) allowed......
As for "right".... Only those Agony Aunts and Uncles who walk on water (without slipping through the surface) are entitled to tell you that....
Good luck...
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