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What are the chances that the baby is not my boyfriend's?

Tagged as: Cheating, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2011) 12 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Please don't judge me for this I feel awful as it is - I am currently almost eight months pregnant. I am due on may 10th and my last period began on august the fifth. I have a steady boyfriend who I am sorry to say I cheated on once on the evening of august 11th when very tipsy at a party. The man did not ejaculate in me, and penetration was for a very brief time. My boyfriend and I had very regular sex in this period but I am not sure of the dates and I took a test on august 27 th which was negative and then again on the 31st which was positive - still early for the test to show. What are the chances the baby is not my boyfriends?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2011):

Do a paternity test ...Dont assume what is what only to find out yeras down the line and devastate peoples live....Get full proof and deal with the issues that made you cheat too and whatever issues you currently have in your relationship

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011):

Absolutely no way of knowing without a paternity test. No matter what anyone tells you, it is impossible to know.

Your bf deserves honesty, cheating is terrible, but keeping him in the dark is ongoing cheating particularly if the child isn't his.

"I cheated on once on the evening of august 11th when very tipsy at a party"

Take a test, see what you think if you are really honest with yourself.

http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011):

you poor girl. brutal situation--I feel for you, honey. it isn't likely it's the other guy's child, as others have noted, if you have a 28 day cycle. however, it is POSSIBLE. the only way to know FOR SURE is to have a paternity test--which honestly, i think you should do. i mean, it's going to bother you for the rest of your live-long life unless you just find out.

also...i think you should tell your bf about your "indescretion." i'd want my husband to tell me if he cheated on me, even once. it's the only respectful thing to do, and the only thing to do if you really love him. he's going to be mad. yup. but if you don't tell him, you have to carry this and the weight of the secret will be detrimental to you and your relationship.

all the best whatever you do. having a baby is a miraculous and wonderful event. god bless!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011):

If your period began on the 5th of august and if you have a regular cycle of 28 days then ovulation would most likely occur mid cycle which would make it approx the 19th of august but you must allow for ovulation to begin a little earlier, lets just say up to 3/4 days which would bring you to the 15th of august. So i would say most likely to be your boyfriends, but still slight possibility of being the other mans as sperm can live up to a week.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011):

It is probably your bf's child but... get a DNA test and if it is not his you must tell him. Otherwise he will find out years down the road it it will be a disaster for both him and the child. Avoid that.

As far as the cheating goes you should probably tell him about that too, he has a right to know what is going on in his relationship.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011):

It seems remote but get a DNA test and definitely tell your bf what happened. He deserves to know so he can make his own decisions about the relationship. Especially if the baby is not his. It is seriously wrong to lie to a man about him being the father of a child if he is not. It will come out eventually. DNA tests will be as easy as preg tests in a few short years.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011):

Why is it not a legally punishable crime to lie to men about a child's paternity?

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (31 March 2011):

natasia agony auntPretty unlikely, but possible. If your period started on 5th, I guess it finished around 9th. You could have ovulated early, even in response to sex on 11th, and although you say he didn't ejaculate in you, some sperm could have got into you if he pulled out.

It is unlikely, as you are more likely to have been fertile around the 14th/15th/16th, which is consistent with positive test around 31st, as it usually needs to be about 2 weeks after conception to show.

I think it is very very most likely your boyfriend's child. Better just to think it is. You need to feel secure in your current situation.

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A male reader, soon567 United States +, writes (31 March 2011):

"period began on august the fifth" Its a very good chance that your carrying the other guy baby. You need to do a DNA test. Forget what "The Realist" Don't just force this child on a man that had nothing to do with what you decided to do. I hope your not as selfish as "The Realist" and not give this man a chance to decide on his own.

"august 11th when very tipsy at a party" be honest when you tell him the truth, not like you written here. Remember always speak the truth. The truth will set you free!

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (31 March 2011):

person12345 agony auntSlim to none. If he didn't even ejaculate in you, the only way for him to have gotten you pregnant is if he had ejaculated since last urinating before penetrating you AND for you to be ovulating during that time. You could always ask for a paternity test from the man you drunkenly slept with, but definitely do not tell your boyfriend unless you want to raise this baby on your own.

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A male reader, The Realist Canada +, writes (30 March 2011):

The Realist agony auntIt sounds like it is unlikely but still possible. I think the best thing you can do is forget that night ever happened and be with your bf to raise the child. I don't see any point in him second guessing whether the child is his or not because he probably loves you and will love the child regardless.

It is unecessary stress for the relationship. Usually the test would have been positive on the 27th if it was the other mans child. What you should do is have faith in the test and that it is your bf's child and get on with your life raising the child in a happy home.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (30 March 2011):

dirtball agony aunt50%

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