A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering about your opinion, about male menopause . Some doctors believe it, when man has problems with libido,or getting an erection, it is explained, with this new term. But I have an extreme case of this, if it is true, and my girlfriend left me as she thought it was her. She felt undesirable, as I totally lost interest in sex,also I lost my erection every time we tried to have sex. There was nothing wrong with me medically, and I tried testosterone replacement , just for trying to get a boost, but nothing worked. It seems psychological, but I have no idea what else can be wrong.Any idea would be appreciated. Thanks
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (18 December 2011):
 Dorothyndix offers a few good suggestions, but I think the main thing is to be a man and find a woman who turns you on. I realize that it can be be a challenge.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 December 2011):
Hi there. Like others have also said here, some medications can cause problems with attaining an erection.
And certainly stress alone, would take away the desire to have sex at all!
As you seem to realize yourself, it most likely is partly psychological.
No desire leads to no erection. If you are just not in the mood in the first place, how could you possibly get any kind of erection? Your mind is just not engaged.
It's the same thing as if you were:-
(1) Extremely tired
(2) Very unwell - pain of some sort, gastric virus
(3) A bad day at the office
(4) Worrying about something (money problems or the possibility of losing your job)
(5) A fight with your partner or some leftover resentment from some other time with them
(6) Too much alcohol consumption before sex.
There are so many factors involved, let alone why you can't get or sustain an erection when you want one. There are often a lot more issues involved than the physical side of things.
To get into the mood for sex, your mind has to be in the mood, and if it's not, well then it's just not going to happen at all.
Perhaps with your last girlfriend, she felt like sex when you didn't. And that happens.
If in the past you never had any problems sustaining an erection, well then there really is no reason why you can't sustain an erection now.
Sometimes blood circulation can be a cause.
Possible causes for this could be:-
(1) Heart problems.
(2) Diabetes.
(3) Blood pressure problems.
You have said there is no medical reason - which could be your hormones are all at normal levels.
Have you had the above conditions checked out? We want to rule out all medical causes. It's good to know anyway.
The diabetes check involves a blood test, there's virtually no other way to find out for sure.
If it turns out that all of the tests for the above 3 prove negative, well then it almost certainly is psychological.
And it's about the easiest one to resolve.
Another important thing for you to consider - and this is a vital clue - is whether you can pinpoint exactly when you realized this became a problem for you.
It probably didn't just happen overnight, did it?
How long do you think it's been happening?
Can you remember the very first time it happened?
Then you need to remember exactly what was happening in your life at the time.
For instance:-
(1) Did anyone close to you die - parent, grandparent, brother, sister, best friend?
(2) Did you lose your job?
(3) Is your job in jeopardy now, or has been in jeopardy for some time?
(4) Are you in serious debt?
(5) Do you have any gambling debts?
(6) Do you take recreational drugs?
(7) Have you had a major falling out with someone very close to you recently, that's really getting to you?
Any of these could have fairly major negative impacts on your emotional wellbeing, and would certainly affect your being in the mood or not, for sex.
The other very obvious psychological reason for erection problems could be started with any of the above situations, and then once you had a problem the first time, then every time after that you worried and thought to yourself - "I hope I can get an erection tonight. I hope I'm not going to have a problem - like last time."
And then what happens, is you become anxious about it after the first erection problem and you almost assume it's going to happen every time.
So you can see how the mind gets in the way.
As long as it's not a medical reason, it's probably about 90 percent in the mind. That little voice inside your head that you tell yourself.
The anxiety only exacerbates the problem and virtually guarantees it will keep on happening.
What you need to do is to stay in the present moment.
Don't worry about what happened last time or what will happen in future.
You will only ever have this problem while ever you keep thinking about the past.
The past doesn't always predict the future. It only does if you keep on obsessing over it, because then you make it a reality.
There is one test you can do on your own - to see if it's possible to attain an erection, and a "full" erection.
That is when you are alone in your house one day or night, is to try masturbating. Obviously, get yourself into the mood in the first place by whatever means that is. Then see if - in the absence of a female partner - if you get and sustain a full erection, and then reach full orgasm and ejaculation.
Honestly, that is the real test.
You haven't said whether you have any problems masturbating, so you don't know if there is a problem there at all.
The bottom line here really, is if you can sustain a full erection - through masturbation - well then you know you can sustain a full erection when you are with a partner.
So I really suggest you try this and see.
There would only be a problem if you can't get a full erection even through masturbation.
The beauty of this test, is you are doing this without the added pressure of someone else looking on, so there is a complete absence of anxiety - because it's just you there.
Without an observer, you will probably find that you are completely calm, you get into the mood easily, and that everything happens just the way it's supposed to.
Please try this. Once you have succeeded without any problems, it will completely change your association with it.
I'm getting that you are now thinking you are going to be living this way for the rest of your life.
It's not so.
But you MUST test yourself. I guarantee it will bring you peace of mind.
Then and only then, will you lose your anxiety associated with making love - once and for all.
Then there is no problem.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 December 2011):
Could be stress...or are you on medication for high blood pressure?
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (18 December 2011):
As a 64-year-old man, I think that I can relate to some degree, but have not experienced quite a shut-down as you described. In my case, at about your age, too much work, and too many responsibilities, definitely had some negative affects on sex life with my ex-wife. Medications can often do it, and of course, aging can affect sexual activity. Still, at 64, I'm still able (to a lesser degree) and willing when the opportunity arises, which is not as often as I would like. lol
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A
female
reader, Ima FreAk! +, writes (17 December 2011):
 Hiyaaaa,
I did do a little research just to see if male had menopause symptoms just for a laugh and they actually do.
Obviously it's not called menopause but "andropause". if you go on google and tyle andropause.org.uk it's a great website about this "menopause" and hwo to deal with it and treatments avaliable that could help you.
Not a lot of people like going to hospital and doctors for treatment so you can maybe ease the symptoms a little with the help of food. If you're mood and have depressed like symptoms try a diet rich in thiamine (Vitamin B1) and tryptophan.
To increase libido cut down on the junk food and take aways, and start eating things like salmon, oysters (a bit pricey though),asparagus, figs and nuts and many more!
You don't need to feel bad about going through this stage honestly because once you learn to control this symptoms you can feel like a King!
Hope my advice helps!
Good luck!
Lots of love,
Ima FreAk!
x
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