A
female
age
30-35,
*atgirl242
writes:Hi to all,I don't have many friends at college.I think I am not well-appreciated also and I couldn't tell why.So many times, I just condemn myself when someone is not nice to me and I feel maybe it's my fault.Like for example, my classmates would just ignore me when taking a group photo.I talk nicely to everyone and I like to mingle with others. I am not anything like someone who likes to impose their way on others or talk rudely to people.I am rather very passive.My few best friends in college (not in my class) tell me they probably keep away from me because I don't behave the way they would like me to.For example, they like to backbite others; I just can't bring myself to do that - talking nicely to someone and criticizing him/her the minute he/she is gone.They are all hypocrites with just a few exceptions. That kind of behaviour just sickens me and really I am proud of myself that I am not arrogant or immature like them.But what gets to me when in class I am left totally alone. No one sits next to me.There are several groups in my class and since I don't belong to any (they are all the same), I am just crushed in between and not respected.To make things worse, they hate me even more when I get better marks than them in tests.Or ask teachers questions (despite that I clear my doubts when the lecture is over outside the class so that my classmates don't say I am disturbing the class).I have a serious lack of self-confidence issues now. I totally hate going to classes. For me, it's like going on a war. It's like a big challenge for me everyday.I do not like the feeling of being totally alone or rejected. I would love to have friends too.I would love someone to ask me whether I am fine today. I am the one always smiling to them(even though they many times don't smile back). When I talk to them, they feel irritated or many times, behave like I don't exist and never heard my question. So now, I just keep to myself. It's like you are carrying the plague.This has been going on since a long while and many times, I just bunk classes and stay at home to avoid seeing them and then I feel guilty all day for missing a lecture when my parents are investing so much in my career.I feel so sorry for myself at times..I have a cat I love so much and now he is missing since one week. I feel even more lost.I have lectures again on Friday.. :(What do I do? I definitely won't miss any of my classes now and I would rather face the indifference of my classmates than deal with the guilt of missing a lecture.But what do I do to be able to deal with all this more courageously?I feel that if I become like them, I will be accepted but I don't want to change if it's going to be bad for me.Anyone please advise me.Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 1busybee  +, writes (22 September 2012):
You need to focus on school period. Stop trying to work on fitting in. Be yourself period. Have self confidence. If you lack that go to the school counselor to figure out why you do not have confidence in your self. Find that out. Love yourself. Act that way practice showing that you do love and respect yourself and continue to respect others. Never worry about what anyone else thinks. Seek out new friends that value you for your good qualities and ideas and values. Put yourself out there for the new friends to see who you are. Join clubs or get involved in new activities. Pretty soon the old friends will ask you when you have moved on hey what is up with you, your so busy.
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