A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:For several months a man at work and I talked and became good friends. We both stated to each other that we liked each other. He was taking quite a ribbing at work from the guys about me and at first he said, just let them talk. We like each other, ignore them. About a month ago he did not return my phone calls. I was upset and when I talked to him 4 days later I told him that we needed to work together and we shouldn't do anything to damage this work relationship. I am a manager at the office, though not his manager, but I was worried he was only talking to me because he felt he had to??? He was hurt and said he was ill all weekend, but he still could have called?. For the last month we just talked in passing. This man is VERY shy and I am sure I hurt him but I felt myself falling for him and didn't feel he felt the same.Last week I told him I was moving to a different office, just a few miles away. The two of us were scheduled to meet for a work purpose where we would be visible to everyone. He declined the meeting and told me to see him later and he would explain. I went to see him later and he said he was sick of the guys teasing him about me. I was upset and told him, "I've been staying away for the last month, how can this teasing still be going on?" I started to walk away. He said "you didn't do anything wrong". He said this several times and told me not to worry about it. I said, "worry, I just lost a friend." He said quite strongly "you did not". Later in the day he said "you must be happy to be leaving here." I said "I am not happy about not being able to talk to you." He said "we will figure something out."Next week is my last week working with this man, whom I have fallen for in a big way. I think he likes me too but I don't know for sure. I think part of his problem was taking the ribbing from the guys but why did he change from not letting it bother him-was it because he knew I liked him then and isn't sure now? I know I kind of pushed him away for the last month but I didn't want to get hurt either and he seemed not to be as interested in me-at least hanging back a bit. I am wondering if now that I am leaving he feels more comfortable with the relationship. As I have said, this man is VERY shy. I would like some suggestions for anything to say to him this week so he'll know for sure that I like him, short of throwing myself at him. And can anyone out there tell me if this man likes me?? The one thing he does is look me directly in the eyes and he does hold his contact for quite a long time. He looks at me quite often. When he talks to me he stands quite close.
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at work, shy, teasing Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): Don't beat around the bush! Text him or phone him or even write to him. If he's that shy he'll be waiting for you to take the lead - so lead on and show him the way!
All the best
Phil
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor Phil and Jackie...my friend and I had a good last week-got to talk about a few of our interests and just be around each other. He was very kind to me and smiled very big everytime he saw me. I didn't seek him out or go and talk to him because of the teasing he would get. On my last day we did get together to finish the work purpose we had to do-that he put off. We had a fairly good conversation, though short because he was very down and at one point he looked like he was going to cry. I told him that I wanted to phone him the night before to say goodbye because it was going to be too hard today. We both told each other that we really liked each other. I stated that I would like to stay in touch with him and he replied "I will" and then he turned to me and looked me in the eyes and said "I promise. We'll get together away from here." Later one of the guys in his area told me that he wasn't taking my leaving very well. But I figure the ball is in MR. shy's court but am worried that he may misinterpret the "stay in touch" comment as a friend thing or that he may think I wanted to say "goodbye". We were both too emotional to continue the talk. He told me he was not mad at me or anything just couldn't handle the situation. We just parted. I am worried though as I haven't heard from him this week. How much time do I give him or should I send him a quick "how r u doing" text after two weeks of not hearing from him? What do you two think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Phil and Jackie. I appreciate your answers.
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A
female
reader, JackieR  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 All i know with shy people, from being one, is that they like their privacy, and they don't like people knowing personal stuff about them. So you moving to a new office could be all that it takes to get this relationship going, it will take the pressure off.
Going by his body language i think he does like you (body language never lies) but being shy he has problems communicating those feelings to you.
I think he knows you like him and that you want a relationship with him, so i think you are going to have to let him arrive at a decision in his own time. In the mean time you get on with your life and if he wants what you want, he knows where to find you, just leave the door open!!
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): I think you have to come right out with it and ask him if he considers that the two of you have any chance of a future together, because you would like that very much.
Only he can tell you if he still likes you, and again, no-one here can answer that for you - so ask him for a straight answer.
Once you've moved jobs the situation with his work colleagues won't exist so you'll perhaps have a better insight into his feelings then.
Phil
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