A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my twenties and I've been friends with him for over twelve years- and we are closer than close... we do sleepovers, hang out with our friends, travel together and we even lived together briefly for over six months when I didn't have a place. We tell each other everything- the good, bad, ugly and the downright nasty(well, almost everything since I've never told him of my feelings).The problem now is that, I'm been crazily in love with him for 5 years now and it's driving me crazy!!! There's never been any real sexual tension between us (except the time like 7 years ago during a sleepover when he tried to seduce me unsuccessfully). For the sake of our wonderful friendship, we never allowed sex nor anything sexual to be involved since then, and it's been wonderful. But when I realized I wanted more, my initial rejection of his advances would come into play. Now, I feel I should say something but he's a very proud man and I know he wouldn't want to go into a relationship with me because I've finished school and I'm well-employed. He's still struggling in the university and would rather be a provider or at least have his woman on equal grounds with him (you know us Africans). Besides, he's been dating one of our friends for six months and they are now living together 2000 miles away. Even now that he's moved away, my feelings are even stronger and we talk for hours everyday (either I call or he calls), keeping up to date on each other's lives. I know the attraction is there but there are too many factors to list that are not written here and I don't know what I'm gonna do. People might say tell him and risk losing my best friend (which would devastate me) or cut him off (for the sake of my sanity) or just leave things as they are (and watch the one I love love someone else- and that hurts sooooooo much). HELP!
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 If I were him I'd want to know. I don't think it would end your friendship, but it would put strains on your relationship with his GF. It may be best to wait till they break up, but if you don't see that happening, then who knows.
Honestly, I'd be more concerned with the 2000 mile separation than anything else. That's a very long distance to overcome, so it may be best if you can stay friends for now.
I feel your pain.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a billion guys.
@aunt honesty: I will.
@ Bettyb: you just voiced my feeling exactly- maybe except for the passion part. That I don't know of. That's why I'm such a mess. I know I should tell him, and I know I shouldn't. What a quandary :'(
Thanks guys for the advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): I disagree with the others. I don't think you should tell him. After all, he's in a serious relationship with someone else. It wouldn't be right to open that bag now and cause him and the woman he's with such pain. What good could possibly come of confessing?Let at the possible scenarious. Assuming he left her for you, would you really want a man who'd leave the woman he's committed to for another? Because if he'd do that to her, he'd do it to you. Assuming he does still have romantic feelings for you, and I bet he does, choosing between you and the woman he's with could cause him a lot of anguish whether he leaves her for you or not. And this type of inner conflict could hurt him for a long, long time and negatively affect the relationship he's in now. Even if he were available, it could well be the wrong decision. I think you're very comfortable with this man as a friend, but I think passion is lacking--otherwise, your relationship would have blossomed into a heated romance long ago. And though friendship is required for a great relationship, attraction and passion are too.I think it's better for you to move on and start dating others.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Good luck and keep us updated on how you get on your doing the best thing :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys! I've been so confused for so long and my silence hasn't helped all this time.
I want to take your advice and just tell him- and see how it goes, but I'm still queasy about how he'll take it now he's in a serious relationship with one of our closest friends- and they love each other, everyone can see that. But since keeping quiet is killing me, I think I'll just let the cat out of the bag. Who knows? He might just reciprocate my feelings, or not. If not, then as aunt honesty said I'll know where I stand and allow other men into my life... my feeling have ruined any chance of a relationship working out for me.
Thank you all so very much!
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A
female
reader, I-Love-CSI  +, writes (4 November 2010):
If I were you, I would tell him that I had feelings for him.
Imagine how sad you would feel if he started to like someone else...
Why not try and seduce him like he did to you? It shows that you remember the funny times.
And even if he turns you down, just know that you have a fantastic friendship with him and, in time, you will feel better :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 November 2010):
Ah yeah its one of those tricky situations where you just dont no what to do, but you have pretty much answered your question at the end of it, but you just dont want to do it. I think he would be flattered that you like him so i dont see why it would risk your friendship, therefore yes my best advice would be to tell him, if you both are as close as you say you are then hey he aint going to fall out with you for telling him that you have feelings for him, fair enough if he doesnt return them you will be hurt but at least then you have some solid ground and you no were you stand so you can learn to accept that he is your best friend and you will learn to be thankful that you have him in your life.
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