A
female
age
26-29,
*ngelOfthemoon
writes:Okay me and my mom don't get along she is always drunk and yelling at me. I try to explain my feelings to her but all she cares about is herself she always says I'm a kid I don't have feelings. I don't live with her. She lies to me and everyone everything I say she says I'm lieing and obviously everyone will believe her over me because she's an adult. At this point I don't know what to do anymore I can't find my answers I feel like I have tried everything I could to make our relationship better but nothing worked . I don't know if I should just not try , putting my feelings behind a wall and not worry about her anymore. What do I do?????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Hiya,First of all I want to say fair play for beginning to speak up for yourself. I'm going to be honest with you hun, there is absolutely nothing you can do at the moment to make your relationship better, your Mam is not well she has an illness and until she realises it herself it is pointless trying to force her.You can make things better for yourself though. You need support to help you deal with the situation. I know it's embarrassing and hard to speak to anyone about these kinds of things but that's what you need to do. What your mam is doing is wrong and it is in no way your fault so don't feel ashamed asking for help. Your school will have a counsellor or maybe there is a teacher you get on well with? If not, do you have an aunt, uncle or gran you think you might be able to talk to? When I was going through a rough time I got great help from my friends mum, I thought nobody knew a thing about what was happening but as it turned out she was well aware already but didn't want to interfere till I asked her. Sometimes its very hard to talk face to face though, especially with an adult so what I did one night was write everything down in a letter, I said exactly what was going on and how I was feeling it was sooo long I think 12 pages! When I was done I was going to bin it, but instead I let my friend read it. She asked could she show her mam cos she wanted to help and I said yes. The relief of getting it all out was unbelievable! Things didn't change at home over night but I felt so much stronger knowing I didn't have to deal with it on my own. I could finally talk to someone without feeling guilty and it really helped me through. I'm really sorry that you are going through all this and I really hope that you turn to someone for some support. You deserve to be treated right hun but you have to speak up.Wish you loads of luckA
A
female
reader, AngelOfthemoon +, writes (8 November 2010):
AngelOfthemoon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much you guys really have been helping me is just really hard when no one is there for me and I feel bad sometimes because my mom says that everything is my fault that her deinkng is my fault and I believe it because she's my mom but it hurts so much because I'm always butting myself up believing that is all my fault but I have been so much that all this I lost my childhood I never had a kids life everything was me I took care of my brother since I was 6 I learned how to work myself up without anyone to help but now it just seems like verytjing in my life is going down. I love my mom but it's so hard to be there with her and I have tried everything I could to make her stop and make our relationship better but nothing worked so I'm giving up. I don't want to because she's my mom but I'll have to let go of her now .:'( -angelofthemoon
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 November 2010):
 There will come a point in your life where cutting out toxic people is the only way to maintain a grasp on sanity and normalcy.
Since you don't live with her, maybe cut the contact to a bare minimum and find a teacher/counselor who can help you with some of your questions. Unless you know an adult you can talk to about these things.
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A
female
reader, jodieleigh  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 Well im sorry that you'r relationship with her is so bad and you do have feelings that matter.
there is nothing more you can do. you tried your best. its all your mam. if she doesn't want to help herself why should you? she should be looking after you, not the other way around. just try and distant yourself from her. it will be hard but in the long run you will have the last laugh. if you feel like you have no one to talk to just send me a message. i'll listen all the way from Ireland. :D but you are still so young this should not be your problem.
i hope everything works out and im always here. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): I was in a very similar situation as a child. My parents were adults who seemed very responsible to their peers, but who were secretly very physically abusive, and rarely acknowledged my feelings on anything.
It was difficult because I find that when parents act irresponsibly, children are required to grow up quickly, simply as a method of survival. So in fact, your opinion probably has more merit then other kids your age.
Coping to such an extreme situation takes years, and you sound like a brave person as it is, so don't be too hard on yourself. For me, writing down what I was going through was extremely helpful. It felt like even if no one ever listened to me, what was happening was being recorded, and maybe someday, it would serve to protect me.
In fact I wrote so much, that now I'm a professional writer, and quite good at my job. Don't give up, no matter what.
When it comes to convincing people of your side of the story, always refer to facts instead of emotions. Often adults find children to be dictated by their emotions, and use this to dismiss real problems. Speak with details, always mentally answer the who, what, where, when, why, and how of any interaction with your mother. As hard as it might be, always try to come across as both objective and compassionate. If your mother is an alcoholic, this method will help people take your word over hers.
You sound like you care about your mother. I also spent years caring about my parents with no positive results. Just do what you believe is right, and let that be your solace. Even if your mother never comes around, when you are my age, you will be proud of the person you've been, and you'll reflect that strength to all the people you meet.
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