A
male
age
41-50,
*henk10
writes:Hi there,I'm in my late twenties and single and, with the exception of a brief three month relationship about three or four years ago, have always been single. I am quite often told that I am good-looking, I am over six feet tall and am a pretty intelligent guy (though admittedly this has not, as yet, translated into career success) but feel incapable of dealing with relationships.I have met girls who have been interested in me, have met girls I have been very interested in, but never a girl who I like and who likes me. Most of the time I can handle this but lately, having seen some very dear friends marrying the loves of their lives, it has started getting to me.I feel as though I have got to a point where I over-analyse situations to such an extent that any attempts at relationships are doomed from the start. In the past year I moved to a big city partly with the aim of sorting my love life out- since then I have been on dates with two girls I have really liked, in one case the first date was enough for her, in the second I got to the second date- I recently bumped into the second girl again and she told me that I overthink things.I really just don't know what to do, I have tried developing interesting hobbies and meeting new people. However, I am at stage in life where, having watched as friends have gone through the whole trial and error pursuit of eventually finding a meaningful relationship , I feel as though I am constantly losing ground and becoming more and more hopeless. This must all sound very self-pitying I know but I just can't understand why I keep going so wrong. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): First of all you're putting too much emphasis on having a relationship, your "over analysing" is ruining any potential chance of a realtionship, so meet a girl and take it as it comes, relax, see the good in people first and give them the benefit of the doubt, until you get to know them."I have met girls who have been interested in me, have met girls I have been very interested in, but never a girl who I like and who likes me".I think this is because you are interested in the wrong type of girls. Why not give the girls who are interested in you a chance. Love doesnt happen over night, its something that blossoms over time. You could be really happy with one of those girls.As for the girls you are attracted to, that are not attracted to you. What exactly ARE you attracted to in these women? What is it about them? and Why? There has to be something they all have in common. When you identify that then you avoid that personality trait in a woman because it obviously hasn't worked for you. Are they self-obsessed,unable to commit,promiscuous? Finaly self pity will get you nowhere, you need to maintain a level of confidence,if you like a girl persue her with confidence and go after what you want. Keep trying and have faith in yourself and in other people.Good Luck.x
A
female
reader, blueskyday  +, writes (12 July 2011):
since this girl says you over think things could it be your asking way too serious questions or questions that should be asked later on at the first meet ? your trying to hard, let the conversation flow and try not to be nervous confidence is key and the typical age where men marry is in there 30's so don't even worry about it. you'll find a girl in due time and don't feel the girl you first meet with be your wife you have to evaluate don't get married cause your friends are do it because your in love and you want to spend the rest of your life with a girl or you will regret it later. so as for meeting girls approach them play it smooth send them a drink make them laugh and exchange numbers IF they seem interested if you make them laugh it's a good thing it strikes conversation. If you try for about a week and you've got nothing ask one of your buddies to tag along watch you and tell you the honest opinion of what your doing wrong. hope everything works out!!
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