A
female
age
30-35,
*en1689
writes:I'm hoping someone can make some sense of the world I'm experiencing at the moment. The world that I've been experiencing for quite a while now...I am 22 years old (in two weeks) and have always strived to be a good person. I've always put others before myself. I've always been a courteous and caring person. I've always done my best to be compassionate and sensitive to others' feelings. I work hard and I understand my priorities. But somehow, it doesn't seem to be good enough. And somehow, at least from what I can see, the complete opposite of these traits is rewarded and praised. I'm losing grip...A little about me: I'm a decent-looking girl with a mountain of issues. I've struggled with eating disorders for the past six and a half years, mainly bulimia. I've always had an OCD personality, or a perfectionist personality. I like to have control over things, but it's mainly only a hindrance to myself. Others don't ever see this side of me unless I trust them enough to expose it. I grew up in a loving home. My parents both encouraged me to be my best and helped me to achieve my goals. I was spoiled a lot as a child, seeing as my younger brother passed away when I was 2 1/2, and my older brother (now 29) was in trouble quite a bit and ran away. He wasn't in the picture most of the time, and my parents sheltered me from most of the issues he had (bipolar disorder, suicide attempts, etc). When he was around, he was the best older brother a girl could ask for. All-in-all, my childhood wasn't anything terrible.In middle school and highschool I was very shy. I didn't have many friends, and I was picked on a lot. I was kind to everyone, even the people who were awful to me. My first eating disorder stemmed from being picked on about my weight when I hadn't hit puberty (I was fourteen). I was still a kid and didn't ever pay attention to my weight until people made it the focus. I didn't date anyone until I was sixteen, and even then it was never serious. I was cheated on in every relationship I had until my current one, which made me feel like I was never good enough. My most recent ex and I met on MySpace and were in long-distance for nine months. I moved up to the city that I'm currently living in to be with him and things fell apart for us quickly, mainly because he was texting and chatting with other girls that he met online.I graduated from highschool with honors and have held down long-term jobs since I was sixteen. My current job I've had for nearly two years now.Right now, I'm in a great relationship. My partner is 23, and we've been together for two years and are engaged. We are very happy together. We hardly ever argue, and if we ever do, we resolve things quickly. We've been living together for nearly a year and a half, and have been through so much together. We've both grown a lot without growing apart. I love us.However, recently I feel as though I'm being punished for my efforts. I know quite a few people who don't lead very good lives, and who are very manipulative and rude and just not very good people. One of them is my partner's ex who was awful to him in their relationship. She cheated on him, manipulated him, lied to him, threatened him, blackmailed him, etc. He was with her for two years or so, on-and-off. She was an alcoholic and a druggie from a very young age. She's hurt a lot of people and has made a lot of very bad decisions. She would threaten suicide if my fiance would ever try to leave her or if he would refuse to take her back. He finally ended things for good and she cut herself. Not even two weeks later she was sleeping with another guy and became pregnant at age seventeen. She now has a two year old son and the father has left her and is living with his current girlfriend.I tried to become friends with my partner's ex due to some insecurity issues I was having towards her and his past with her. I thought for a while that we could be friends, but after spending time with her recently, I realized that she's still not a good person and is still into drinking and smoking and drugs. She doesn't have a boyfriend at the moment, but she's still having sex with random people. She ditched out on plans we had made to hang out with people with a lot of alcohol. This was after getting drunk and smoking a friend's bowl of weed when I was hanging out with her. However, she still has TONS of friends and has plans every single weekend. People seem to adore her and she still goes out to parties all the time. I, on the other hand, get blown off quite a bit. People flake out on plans they make with me constantly. Whenever I try to make new friends, they never stay in touch with me. It's happened the past few weekends that me or my fience and I have made plans with people and they flake out on us. I don't understand how this makes sense... We're not lame. Whenever we do hang out with people, they seem to enjoy our company. We like to laugh a lot, and I'm a guys'/girls' girl. I can get along well with guys, or I can be a girlie-girl.At work, I'm consistently on time (or early), and I've consistently done a good job. I always pick up the slack of others, and take initiative to go above and beyond. I work at a hotel, and people-pleasing is part of my daily routine. I get along well with most people. However, I've noticed that the people who are consistently late still get the most hours. Even when I pick up the slack when someone falls out of line, my hours are cut or I'm not rewarded or recognized in any way. Similarly, the people who I've noticed make the same errors over and over or always fall behind are never punished or called out on it. I just don't understand it...What am I doing wrong here? Is there something that I'm missing? Has everything I've been taught to be a lie? Do I need to reevaluate how I live my life and how I value myself? Anyone...Please...Help me.
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male
reader, faenon  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 Don't change your persona and loving spirit for the sake of being noticed for promotions few too many people are good natured and look out for their fellow man these days as it is soceity as a whole as lost respect in these areas where everyone seems to be out for themselves.
Your teachings weren't wrong just you like most of us have had a taste of how the real world is like but it doesnt make you stop being you. In regards to being friends with the ex of your boyfriend and how they adore her etc they don't adore her she's the groups whore birds of a feather stick together they're all losers into drugs, why bring yourself down to their level? Leave them find friends with similar views as yourself and the boyfriend the ex and her circle are users.
A
female
reader, auntieloulou  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 You sound just like me! I have all the same problems with friends and work etc and am always told that I am too kind hearted and a push over. To be honest, people who tell me this are right! i think maybe you suffer this too. I have tried now to stand up for myself, so my advice to you would be to do the same. if you don't make the changes now then they never happen and it ends up worse. So take your job at work; you need to approach your supervisor/manager and tell them how you feel. I bet they do recognise what you do, and are impressed that you don't crave the recognition. however enough is not enough, you need to approach them and tell them you feel that you feel that you are one of the best workers and are not recognised for it. tell them you want more hours as you do a good job compared to others. they will be impressed by your outrightness and start to recognise you. as for your colleagues DON'T HELP THEM WHEN THEY MESS UP! let them take the flack for it. selfishly, if they mess up, management will see and it will make them notice ow good a job you do in comparison.
With friends, i have now learned that I have all I need with a loving boyfriend and loving family. Of course I would love to have close friends, but it does not work for me. I always end up calling/texting them, they don't reply/return the call, and i end up feeling crap. If people always cancel on you, don't organise with them. let them organise with you.
I always remember ''what goes around comes around'', and i believe it from first hand proof! if i'm doing good, working hard, being kind etc something good happens as a reward. if i have ever messed up, something else has gone wrong.
you seem like a really nice girl, maybe you would benefit from talking to someone professional to get your issues sorted? i think maybe some insecurities and low esteem stem from your past and if you talk to someone to organise them you'll be in a better place.
good luck!x
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 Surely nothing seem wrong here.just build a little confidence and self esteem.things wil work out for you. As long as you are happy with your fiance.goodluck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): You are a rare diamond! Do not change. The girl your explaining is in popular demand because she makes herself available to be used for sex, drugs, etc. You don't want to soil your reputation or self-respect like her. She's a train wreck definitely not respected nor to be envied by any means. Girls like her wish they were like you. You have it going on!
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