A
male
age
36-40,
*ixfeetunder
writes:There is this girl i have been dating for the past 3months. We dated 5yrs ago as well for almost a year. Anyways, its funny how early on we have both expressed we love each other (soon i know but hey) she loves spending time with me, we have an excellent time when we are together. She even introduced me to her mum and the folks are ok with her seeing me etc. She jus came off a bad experience with a bf who cheated on her, that was 5months ago. Now the problem is i have shown her that i care wayyyy tooo much! Lovey dovey etc. In person she returns it, however on the phone she is always cold and un concerned. Its like i don't matter. She says she doesn know how to express herself on the phone, she is very strong headed. She wants me to love her so much but yet she doesn't show the same in return. It frustrates me cos i think I'm on a one way street. I feel i am looking like a fool cos i have given in too easily. Now she knows she has me by the balls and i don't know what to do to get them back and make her crazy bout me like i am about her. Please advise.TJ Reply to this Question
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male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I am assuming that in every other aspect other than the phone you can clearly tell that she loves you. Being cold over the phone may just be who she is. I know that I tend to be way more awkward over the phone and would rather see the person face to face. As long as she is showing some love it should be fine for now. I can imagine that she doesn't want to rush into anything because of the trust issues she will have with people cheating. Give her time to warm up to you and maybe try to let her know how much you care about her but you may have to tone it down for a little while till she can catch up.
It's what happened with my gf when I told her I loved her it took her months to say it back because she was nervous about rushing into things.
I would give it atleast till 6 months then if it is still not there you should talk to her about why she doesn't show her emotion.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 hi correct me if i'm wrong coz maths isn't my good subject but are you telling me that she was only split up from the cheating ex for 2 months when you got together this time round? She's not really had time to get her head round it all has she? i would say don't rush her, is she's lovey dovey in person, just enjoy it! do you mean she is brief/short on the phone? is it in a room where she may feel like she's being listened to by her family? maybe she doesn't do long lingering phone conversations? either way, don't push for more than she can give at the moment, its still early days and you don't want to scare her away by being too pushy or seeming too needy. see how it goes and in a few more months speak to her about its still a problem
xx
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