A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Cupids,I am here to ask for reassurance again because this site is an awesome resource for relationship advices. Very long read I have written here, I wish I can write better. I am 21 yrs. old, never had a girlfriend up to a kiss. I am a complete newbie.I should say I might be the horniest virgin alive. I daydream a lot, maybe too much. I don't think I'm a perfectionist, but a lot of times, I'm always not satisfied with I have gotten and have. I'm not sure if I have low esteem. I don't have troubles talking to a stranger. I do with girls I am very attracted to but after talking for a bit, I get comfortable. I know I'm awesome, but sometimes it strikes me, leading me to doubts like this question I am about to ask, well I'm not sure.There are a lot of very beautiful women. I can be very picky, but I think it's because I'm smart. I'm most of the time nervous around the smart and cute looking girls, no need for make-up, and again smart. Independent, and confident, but the thing is I am not independent, and sometimes self-conscious, yet at least. I'm sure I can be the best with little practice. I like the girls who can fight for themselves.When I find myself being attracted to someone, and establish a friendly vibe with them, I always think about asking them out. Not really on a date, but just to hang out is what I want, to get to know her basically and have some fun. Is that even possible, I wonder if I ask her for example, "Would you like to hang out sometime?", is that automatically a date? But I shouldn't care if I do really want to get to know her more.I should also say that I get self-conscious mostly of what I am not confident with, like if I should ask her "the question". I always bring myself down, for the mistake I have done in the past, leading to being 3 years late with school. I am 21, and in first year university. So all the girls are younger, everyone is younger. I don't go out too much. I am new at this place, like I came from a different country and different culture. So I get self-conscious about having a girlfriend, and I won't even know where to go. Well basically, I absolutely have no clue what to do in a relationship.I started sitting with this girl. She looks really young. She looks smart and one of those good girls in life (ones I like). I've been destroying my future by not going to class. So it is the end of the semester, last class is Tues. next week. 2 weeks ago I chose to sit where she usually sits, I didn't know that until later. So she sat beside me, right away I got nervous when I saw her. Talked to her then for a bit in class. Then I sat somewhere else next class. But yesterday I decided to sit with her, since she was friendly towards me when we saw each other. We talked quite a bit in-class. I like her, but then again I am one to fall for someone very easily.So I've been thinking a lot. I have basically talked to her for a 1:15 hrs class yesterday, it was the real conversation compared to before that, very small talks. Based on my situation, should I ask her if she wants to hang out sometime? I always think that I am not in the very best position right now for myself. I am still a mess, no discipline, irresponsible, and I always think that I don't think I can be in a relationship right now. I have no idea how relationship should go about, but I don't want it to be a hassle. Like, school first mentality, or self-first mentality but still manage to keep each other happy and be in a relationship. I believe I can be one of the best man any woman can have. I know myself, I am unique, we all are. But I am not sure what to do. I don't mind letting her go if it's best or better. I'll probably see her again. But I'm also wondering if she would want me to ask her or not. This is a very long read, I am embarrassed. And I think I've exhausted myself without completing this and giving enough information. Thank you for your time and effort to help me!!! Please ask more questions for the better if needed, I greatly appreciate this.J
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hope someone else give me advice about this.
If we do go out as friends and I end up actually liking her more, should I avoid hitting on her or give her compliments? Any light flirting? It seems pretty obvious what my intentions are by asking her out as friends or not... It is partly why I'm asking her to hang out. I don't want to be "friend-zoned"! Should I just plain ask her if she wants to hang out sometime? Plus if we hang out together it will be just me and her, so it seems pretty obvious. Unless she was like one of my best friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. Thank you for the good advice! I want to ask her just to be friends. I talk with strangers a lot, and I usually ask them what they want to do in life, why they exist somewhere there. I like the stories and I'm hoping some of these inspire me.
Is it okay to feel nervous about this? I just want to get to know her first. I don't want her to see that I'm attracted to her, or at least too much. She probably knows somehow... Though, I'll make sure I'm confident when I ask her.. It is just casual right?
Is this really okay though? It seems kinda awkward and unusual asking someone, a stranger almost, to hang out some time.
And do I ask for her number or what? I can't think of anything else to contact her. If ever, is it okay if I ask if she wants to meet up somewhere or should I pick her up? I know it's not a date but I just want to be sure. I don't know what I should do.
When we meet up, Is it okay to hang out at school? Or anywhere for now?
Also is it okay to do this if I'm not in the best shape right now? I'm not gonna tell her but she motivates me a little. Although probably any girl who I would like to date will motivate me.
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (5 April 2014):
 If you want to ask this girl out 'just to hang out', make sure you add "just as friends", then you both know where you stand. That way you can get to know her and see if she's someone you'd like to date. You might even it easier to ask her on a real date later on, after you've been hanging out for a while and gotten comfortable with her.Don't worry about what to do in a relationship yet, just wait until you're dating and figure it out from there. I think you'll find it will just come naturally as you will instinctively want to see and be with that person and will make every effort to be with them.In the meantime, just be yourself around girls, try not to act too self assured or talk too much about yourself as you might come across as cocky and it could be a turnoff. Stick to talking about things you know about and ask the girls questions about their interests in an effort to get to know a bit about them. Good luck!
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