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female
,
anonymous
writes: My partner and I are having sex counselling at Relate. It is going quite well, but I think I have fallen in love with the counsellor! I know about transference and it maybe only this but I am very attracted to him, (almost immediately-his sense of humour, his sexy eyes). He is on holiday at the moment and I am missing him. What shall I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): looking at the situation you have put yourself in, I think you need to immediately change your counselor. try a counsellor at www.relationshipcounselling.in I have taken their help and improved my life quite a bit. its based on email so you theres no chance of falling for your counsellor this time.
A
female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (24 August 2006):
 I think that you are falling for him because he talks sense and you feel that because he knows what he is talking about he would become a good lover. You have to remember this is his job, he has to be nice and say all you want to hear. You only know him as your councellor not the real man he is. Don't even go there. Try and fix the problems in your relationship and if possible try and get another councellor.
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A
male
reader, guardian87  +, writes (24 August 2006):
 I think that you think that the cousnelor would fill in the gaps that ur partner leaves out. This = nono.
He is there to help you and guide you, and i think that with that you are mistaking the lines between close friend and boyfriend. its happened before in life and it will always happen agian with different ppl.
If you wish to have the same partner (must happen), then one thing you should look into is finding a new counselor. maybe that way, u can see the counselor with your boyfriend for the sex stuff and not feel the lustful desires for the guy ur working with. and u could see the counselor to express your feelings about the old one and see if the new one could help you.
I will tell you right now: if you dump your partner for the counselor, your on your own. Its your decision, but i wouldnt doubt it that u only feel this way towards him because your looking for more in ur relationship, and having gone to seek help, the counselor knows what he talks about for this kind of stuff, so you think he is your partner but more. Take it from me: switching partners like in this situation is a huuuuuge mistake.
Best of luck to you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): are you falling for the counsellor for the person he is or do you think your just falling for him because you see him as someone you can turn to, who understands your problems and knows your wants and needs? if is the latter, remember that this is his job, he is like it with every client
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): The counselor at Relate should actually see that you have developed emotional feelings for him in the way that you respond to his questions, e.g.
You become more concerned about his opinion of you
You appear overly curious about their personal life
You consider them a friend
You expect him to be perfect and not have any personal problems himself
You treat them like an expert on everything
You never disagree with him
If you want to save your marriage you should tell the councelor about your feelings.
Transference is a really common thing but can actually be avoided. It also points towards identity issues, not to say there is something wrong with you, but it does highlight a possible problem that's worth exploring.
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (23 August 2006):
 NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. This is not a good situation, falling for the therapist equals DISASTER. My dear friend, as you mentioned, transeference may be playing a part in this, but do you really think you are in love with this guy? I think that you think you are in love with him, but my dear, he is your cousellor and while he is that, he cant be your lover, that is crossing the line my dear. You are having a few mishaps with your partner thats all, dont allow that to create lustful desire for your counsellor. Best wishes. xXx
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