A
female
age
30-35,
*_Mae93
writes:Me and my boyfriend of 17 months broke up last Thursday. we have a 8 month old daughter together. this makes the 10th time we have broken up. he said that things didn't feel the same. simply because the last time we broke up we got into a big fight he came to my house and got our daughter so my mom and i went to his house and got her. he said it really hurt him how we just took her away from him. and every time we break up i always say im gonna make him child support cause everyone tells me i need to.. he said with me keep using her against him really hurt him and the night i took her away from him is when everything changed. the thing is yesterday he came to see her and when he left he hugged me not a quick hug like he held on for a little while. i asked him why he hugged me and he said to thank me for everything. when i ask him what he means by that he wont text me back....i miss him so much and it's hurting so bad that i'm not with him.i can't move on date someone else cause the thought of me being with someone else really makes me sick. no matter where i am if i'm out with friends or where ever i still think about him constantly. i want to text him all the time and sometimes i have to stop myself from texting him.. what does all this mean?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): what you're doing is really unfair to your daughter, you're using her as a pawn in your toxic games with each other. She's being used like an object of value, just because you and him can't handle your own emotions and behaviors.
I wouldn't even recommend that you try to stay together and work it out. Too much crap has happened, you can't undo all that, it's time to make a clean break so you can for once start relating better to each other - as non-partners.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): OK, when couples break up and get back together again only to break up again, like, a million times, what does this mean:
1. It means you are NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. either you are incompatible personality-wise, or one or both of you have really bad relationship skills that makes it impossible to be with each other. If you were meant to be together, you wouldnt' keep breaking up.
2. so why you keep getting back together is because one or both of you are not doing what it takes to move on.
this is really unhealthy. If you're going to be together then you need to stop breaking up and instead work our your differences.
What do you think of smokers who keep quitting smoking like, a million times? something is wrong. A smoker should quit once and that's it - they are quit. At most two times (allowing for one backslide to learn from mistakes). But if you know someone who says they have quit smoking but this is the millionth time they've quit that means they don't have what it takes to quit, yet continuing smoking is not a good option either.
Breaking up means you quit the relationship. So, do it already.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): "what does all this mean?"
It means you are an irresponsible immature child clinging to a fantasy of a relationship that never really existed while remaining absolutely clueless that your primary responsibility is now the child whom you apparently conceived immediately upon hooking up with a deadbeat loser.
Child support is not a threat you use to prevent deadbeat loser boyfriend from leaving you, it is your child's legal right and therefore your legal obligation as a mother to take the necessary steps to do what is best for your child's future.
I'm assuming your mother is stepping in to do the daily hands-on child raising (though you are certainly no ringing endorsement for her parenting skills) because it seems from your POV daughter's only purpose is for you to use her as a weapon against your wayward Romeo when you're not spending your days pining over him.
I feel so sad for your daughter, no child deserves to be born into such an unstable and mindless living situation. She has huge obstacles to overcome if she has any chance of growing up to be a reasonably functional adult.
Textboox example of why children shouldn't have children.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (23 March 2012):
 You're young. Sounds like you should be by yourself for a while so you can get to know yourself and what you want from a relationship. Sounds like you're relying on your (ex)boyfriend or a new guy to make you happy, when really, you need to be happy on your own. Focus on your child and being a good mom. Relationships like the one you have are a vicious cycle of break up/make up, and that will probably never change. You both sound immature, and if you've broken up 10 times already, you are probably incompatible. Do yourself a favor and move on from this guy. Sure, you've been together for awhile, and yes, you have a child together, but so what? Neither of you can possibly be happy with the way things are, and the yo-yo relationship is not good for your child. And of course you can't imagine yourself being with someone else (someone you can have a healthy relationship with) because you're so hung up on this guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): I don't think you should use your daughter as a weapon in this relationship. It's not fair on her. When you took your daughter from him that night you really hurt him and you knew it. You knew exactly what it would do to him and you did it anyway. What harm was going to happen to your daughter that night?
You have been together 17 months and have an 8-month old daughter so you must have fallen pregnant very soon after you got together. Why didn't you take your time to get to know each other before you had a child? If you had maybe you wouldn't be arguing like this today.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 March 2012):
 instead of thinking about being with SOMEONE else, how about you figure out how to be a great single mom.... and yes he needs to be paying child support if you have custody of the child...
you want to be with him because it's easier to be with someone you know that sucks than risk being alone till you find someone that does not.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 March 2012):
instead of thinking about being with SOMEONE else, how about you figure out how to be a great single mom.... and yes he needs to be paying child support if you have custody of the child...
you want to be with him because it's easier to be with someone you know that sucks than risk being alone till you find someone that does not.
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A
female
reader, Sinful_thinker89 +, writes (23 March 2012):
 I think you two need to grow up especially since the fact you guys have a daughter together, that's not a situation to put her in the middle of. Either grow up and make it work or stay single and provide for your daughter and yourself
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