A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:People always say as a woman, you should not need a man to make you happy. I agree with that, and I think its important to learn to stand on your own two feet and be happy with your own company.But sooner or later, you will meet a guy. And if that relationship goes well, you will probably marry him. So now, all that effort in learning to make yourself happy has been altered, because you are suddenly dependant on a man again. If the relationship ends, you'd be crushed.I guess my question is, how do we as woman learn to be strong enough in character that we continue to maintain our own sense of happiness while out of a relationship or in one? So that, wether the guys leaves or stays, we can still maintain our own sense of self worth?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 March 2012):
 I enjoyed being single and I enjoy being married. I guess I just enjoy life.
I have many good friend, I am able to do things on my own (always have been) like going to the movies. Many people thing that you can't go to the movies by yourself, or the Opera, theater, but you can. ( or at least I can).
Learn to enjoy your OWN company too.
I enjoy my husband's company, but I don't fall to pieces when he is gone. Since he is military he has been gone a lot over the years, schools, training, deployments and so forth. I still do things I enjoyed when I was single, sometimes by myself, but mostly with my whole family.
Being in a relationship or marriage doesn't mean YOU aren't YOU any more. I'm still me, but I am also Mom and Wife, daughter, sister........
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 March 2012):
Relationship.
Friends
Hobbies
Work.
These are the four things that you continually need to have in your life. Never at one time should you be entirely dependent on one, never at one time should you dedicate yourself entirely to one. The idea behind this theory (I forget who came up with it), is that everything meets in the middle and you have a balanced life. That way, if one area of your life goes wrong, you have three other areas that you can continue to work with.
Your mistake is that you think when you get into a relationship that suddenly that entirely outweighs the others and you become dependent. That's not how it works. You should never be dependent on a man.
The way to limit the hurt is to continually have other things in your life. That's how healthy relationships work. They don't work when one person becomes totally dedicated/dependent.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 March 2012):
 Well, your theory is that once a woman is in a relationship she becomes dependent on the man, and lose all ability to be happy on her own. All her work to be happy on her own is somehow useless.
That's not exactly how it works. If you drop who you are when you enter a relationship and become dependent on your man they sure, why work on being independent and happy on your own. But you'll also suffocate your relationship, be clingy because you'll always be needing your man. You wont have any friends, or a life of your own... And your relationship will really just start to suck.
On the other hand, if you remain a sense of self, and an ability to be happy on your own, even when in a relationship... you'll be happier. If you always need a MAN to make you happy when what will you do when he's got long days at work, or business trips, or when HE wants to hang out with friends and you've got nothing that makes you happy without him having to be there?
Just because you've got a man in your life doesn't mean your own life stops. If you stop living, stop doing things for yourself and your own happiness.. well you'll become very boring very fast, and you'll also suck out all the energy in the relationship.
You've got to make your own happiness even when in a relationship! Otherwise you'll just be a leech on his back.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 March 2012):
 you are not 'suddenly dependent on a man again"
a life partner is not a babysitter. it's a PARTNER... someone you work with.... but you don't give up your life
if you go to classes keep going (it's yoga for me)
keep having girls night out with your friends (I go to dinner with various friends about twice a month)
of course you are still working...
why would you think that just because you get a life partner your sense of self becomes wrapped up in him?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 March 2012):
 Make sure that you keep your friends and your own life outside the relationship/marriage. Keep doing hobbies and keep up your interests. As long as your partner isn't your everything, then you won't lose everything if it ends.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 March 2012):
 Here's the KEY phrase in your entire submittal: "....because you are suddenly dependant on a man again.."
WHEN you figure out that THAT is no way for a woman to live, THEN you will have figured out how to be a happy, well-adjusted woman who can interact with men and other women and be happy about it....
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