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female
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*eaches
writes: I miss my ex-boyfriend so much. We really loved each other and he has already gone out with 2 other girls since we broke up and we havent talked since the break-up. This is the 3rd time we broke up and it really hurts. I love him to death but I don't know what to do if he asks me back out. I don't want to get hurt again. plz help
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (6 July 2005):
Don't fret or worry about what MAY be or what MIGHT be.If you asks you out again, I would say no thankyou.3 times around the track is enough to prove to you that the relationship will not work.He is dating others, I would suggest you do the same.In time, the pain will heal and perhaps you will be friends with him...but in the meantime...move on honey.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2005): The best thing you can do is say no. Whenever he comes back in your life...it starts the vicious cycle of pain, grief and loss for you...when he walks away time and again. quit putting yourself through that. Take care of you...put yourself first. The time right after a break up can be a very miserable period for anyone. Feelings are trampled on, emotions are running wild. Fortunately, there is a better way to handling this difficult break up period.
Your relationship has already ended, then please accept that. Even if you weren't the one who ended it, it's much better to just accept what happened, learn from your experience and try to move on. I know accepting the break up may be difficult, but by doing this you'll bounce back much more quickly and easily.
During this period you may be feeling a myriad of different emotions: confusion, betrayal and doubt, just to name a few. Remember, you just lost a loved one! It is completely natural to grieve... in fact, allowing yourself a grieving period is just about the best thing you can do.
After your grieving period, it's time to get to moving on. I know, easier said than done but there are ways to do this successfully! The best solution is to decide who your true friends are, then surround yourself with these people. Go out and have fun. Make a list of all the things you've "been meaning to do" or always wanted to do. Pick a close friend or go by yourself and DO those things! Staying active both physically and mentally can do wonders for getting over a past love. It gets your mind out of the situation your into and into looking into the future.
Other things you might want to do include:
Throw away or hide old photos and/or objects that remind you of your past love. Truly pamper yourself! Go shopping, join a gym, etc. Spend some time meeting new people.
Renew your spiritual beliefs. Go on a few casual dates to bolster your self-esteem. Take a vacation or day trip with a group of friends. Talk about your break up and your feelings.Enjoy being single for awhile! You just might find out it's more fun! Have a girl's or guy's night out!
Whatever happens know that there isn't anything that has happened to you that YOU alone can not handle!
The last thing to remember, as tempting as it might be, hold off on finding a new love for a bit. Rebound relationships, while they might ease the pain of the past love, are almost always doomed from the beginning. When entering into any type of relationship it's important to really know the person. And you don't want to put a new person through your past pain. Be ready for it when it happens. be strong and get out and enjoy life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2005): Go to ebay or your local book store and get the book ....He is just not that into you. This book gets inside a mans mind and puts it bluntly in a way that will allow you understand what a man is saying and allow you to not waste time. I read it this weekend and am so greatful that I did. I understand now and I am going to save alot of old waste time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2005): As heartbreaking as it is to accept, the fact that you haven't talked since you split and that he's now dating other girls seems to indicate that the relationship is over. Given that you have already broken up three times, it doesn't seem to have been the most stable of relationships. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship. I too have just gone through a break up, it is has been physically and emotionally devastating (he left without even telling me he was leaving, and left me to work it out for myself!) but it is getting easier by the day, and once you accept that you have broken up for the best possible reasons it will get easier. Would you want to go back to him anyway, knowing that this is likely (given the track record of the relationship) to happen again? Do you want to put yourself through this pain over and over again, and be at the beck and call of this man? Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, but could you ever trust him not to put you through this again?Please stop agonising over whether or not he's going to ask you out again, would you want him to think you'll be a doormat every time he gets bored of his latest girl? Once you rid of these false hopes, hopefully you can get over him and start looking forward to a more emotionally stable future. Good luck
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reader, becky05 +, writes (5 July 2005):
Dont go out with him if he asks you again. Why should he be able to lift and lay you when he pleases? Forget about him and find someone nicer-anyone sounds better than him!
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