| A
female
,
* like this man
writes: There is a guy that I met online a while back, maybe 6 months ago. He was fresh out of a 5 year relationship so we were just chat friends. He would always joke about me coming over to his house. Maybe he wasn't joking, but about 2 months ago he asked me to come over and I said "why don't we go to a movie or to dinner instead?" So we finally met and we went to dinner and a movie. It was a nice time but nothing "special" about it. We saw each other again within a week but this time he said come over like he usually did and I called him on it. I rented some movies and took them to his house. He's a nice guy I was not un-trusting as I usually am. Actually I would never do anything like this as a rule. Anyway,we watched a movie. He did not make a move on me, he was very polite and as soon as the movie was over I left quickly because I knew I was putting myself in a place that I could end up moving too fast. I found myself to really like everything I knew about him up to this point. Well after that I ended up doing the same time like 4 more times over the next month and we continued to chat online. At the last meeting things did get a little heated and he kissed me. I kind of freaked out and pushed him away because it has been a while for me and he was very passionate. He weakened me and I knew the risk of having feelings for him while he is still new out of the other relationship. He loved her. So I went out of town for 3 weeks and when I returned he asked me over. I went and things got a little heated. No sex just lots of kisses this time and holding. He wanted me to stay with him all night ..not do anything but just cuddle with him. He has a lot of self control and I trust him but I was not ready for that but 2 nights later (which was actually last week) I said what the heck, I want to be held and I like his kisses. I want to stay with him, so I did. Nothing happened just lots of kissing again and we went to sleep but I found myself getting attached to him. I even said "I will get attached to you if you keep loving one me like that" he said maybe I have been getting a little attached myself..Now I am confused because we are not a couple. I do not even know if we are dating. I don't know what this is and it seems like we will never go to dinner or a movie again.What have I done and can I bring myself back from just being a house guest to being someone he enjoys going places with? I understand he works long hours and so hard but I am feeling like a midnight secret. I have heard the saying 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' Can I turn this back around or is it too late? What do I do? I like this man.
View related questions:
kissing, met online, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (6 July 2005):
Why buy the cow if you can get the milk free?No worries sweetie...you haven't given the "milk" away yet.Some hot passionate kisses & cuddling are great, but if you really want to win this guy over, it's time to pull back & stop allowing yourself to compromise & be pressured.Be honest & tell him you are not comfortable spending the night with him...INSIST on a proper courting phase.Women desire ROMANCE...that's the way we were created.Dating is AWESOME...don't let yourself be robbed of the special moments of growing together BEFORE sexual intimacy.Dinners out, movies in a theater, dancing, long walks, flowers, cards, etc...are all part of healthy growth in a relationship.I see Dating & Relationships as an ALPHABET from A to Z.Some folks go from A to S in way too much of a hurry & miss out on the special bonding process between 2 souls.If you take your time & work through that alphabet, the bonding process is SOLID & you build a strong foundation for the future.A- dinner outB- movie outC- dancingD- huggingE - holding handsF- hand around waistG - peck on the cheekH - all of the aboveI - flowers & thoughtful giftsJ - Joyful anticipation of being togetherK - Kissing passionatelyI'm sure you can figure out the rest of the alphabet.You strike me as very intelligent and perceptive.Be true to yourself...it will draw that special man right into your arms...if not...it was not meant to be.Also remember, he is fresh out of a relationship, so it's imperative that you are NOT his rebound !You set the standards of trust & respect.If he does not accept it...then it's his loss !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2005): HiI think you need to organise a night when you can visit and as a suprise take him out somewhere romantic. It doesn't have to cost much. Take him to the park, a nice quiet place or a walk in the country and take a picnic and a bottle of wine. These things that cost so little can mean so much. Maybe he is as confused as you are as you pulled away from him. Maybe he doesn't want to make another move as he is confused as to what you want and what he wants after his long relationship.Get to know eachother, before you commit to him as you don't seem to really know him that well and maybe he is not the person you are after. Time will only answer this for you.In the meantime, spend quality time with eachother away from his home also as there are so many distractions, such as movies. You cannot get to know someone by watching movies. If you are walking or even going for a rowing boat ride down the river you are put in a position were you can talk and find out things about eachother. I would not advice spending lots and lots of money on fancy restaurants and expensive trips out. You want this guy to like you for 'you' and not for the great places you can take him. Good luck and I hope that it all works out for you!Cathy xx
...............................
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (5 July 2005):
You sound really sensible.Tell him you feel things have moved a bit too quickly for your liking especially with him just coming out of a relationship so soon. Tell him you understand that he works long hours but youd like to go out for dinner/to the cinema maybe once a week. If after your date he asks you into the house for cuddles etc, go! why not have the best of both worlds. If you really like him you have to take a risk, it sounds like he likes you too. Maybe things wont work out but at least you can say you tried and enjoy yourself a bit in the process.
...............................
|
