A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've been with my bf for about 4 yrs. We've had our share of issues. I always hoped somehow he would change, but I don't believe he will. Sometimes its incredible he's sooo complimentive, charming, he will cook for me treat me great and other times its horrible. He calls me names the "c" word among other things. He spends his money excessively on gambling. Lies a lot to me. He has a huge problem and yes I've asked him to seek help. He always agrees then backs out and I can't make him go. I have said if u don't get help we can't be together. He's very moody he has hit me which he downplays and says I'm overly sensitive and it was a "light hit to my back". He goes out whenever he wants never tells me, only when he needs my money he's nice after he's spent his on gambling. He's forged my cheque, gotten ahold of my bank card took my money out w/o telling me. The list goes on and on. Tonight he wanted me to buy him cigarettes and food because he's broke again. I refused he called me every name in the book and said he won't bother me again (he's said that before) how do I handle this situation? I can't live this way anymore. I need him to leave me alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): Any one who is abused DOES not endure it because he's nice sometimes. I'm speaking in retrospect to someone who made the comment on here that he doesn't have my sympathy for her enduring all this.
Abusers start gradually. Their very charming, sweet, until they have you "hooked" then they gradually start belittling you slowly. Do u honestly think a woman would meet a male and he immediately calls her a "c" she would stay? NO! This happens gradually.
Anyways sweetheart get out and fast. Don't settle for the toxic behaviour.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): ". . . I've always hoped he would change!"
And he's always hoped you would remain vain and vacuous so he could continue to get away with perpetually controlling and abusing you.
Since it appears all he needs for you to dismiss such disrespectful, disgusting, demeaning, degrading behavior towards you is to offer false fawning attention, false compliments, false charm, and a home-cooked meal or two, I'd have to say his is the seemingly unrealistic fantasy that's actually coming true.
Sorry, but very difficult for me to have much sympathy when you've been willing to endure so much in order to settle for so little.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (1 April 2012):
 If you are scared and frightened to leave for any reason, or you do not know how to get away. Please update your post and we will provide you with information. Many aunts here have been seriously abused and managed to get away.
This guy won't get better, he will only get worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): There are all abuse signs as everyone has said here. He's degrading you and taking away your confidence so u rely on him solely. I wouldn't be surprised if he's isolated u from your friends to keep u under his thumb. Get away and fast while u still can. Go get counselling because he's done damage from all this abuse. Stay strong. All the best to u
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): Report him to the police for forging your check and stealing your money and get a restraining order. Change your locks and contact info. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 He will not change. End it. Cut all contact, block his number, change the lock and maybe even your banking information as well, and if he shows up at your house don't let him in. If he can't respect all that get a retraining order.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 He calls you the ‘c’ word
He gambles all his money awy
He doesn’t keep his word
He hits you
He is only nice to you when he wants your money
He forged your cheque
He stole from your bank account
Tonight you refused to buy his cigarettes and food and he said he wont bother you again.
When he said that you should have gone "Yahoooooo," and as soon as he left changed the locks and your phone number,
So what are you going to do about this situation? Are you going to allow him to hit you, steal from you, lie, take your money, and call you names. The only person who can stop this is YOU, buy changing the locks, not talking to him, not accepting his puny excuses, by not accepting the occassional meal or the two face compliments.
If you seriously want him out of your life ask family and friends for help, even if he has isolated you from them all, phone them, tell them you realise you have been a peanut and you need their help to see him on his way.
But if you have no intention of sticking to your guns, if you know the first compliment, or cooked meal will have you swooning at his feet again, don't call for help, just sit there and wait for the next nice moment followed by a whole lot of hell!
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A
female
reader, Bats +, writes (31 March 2012):
Hey,
You need to leave him for your own safety. It is apparent that he will never change, the gambling and the abusive behavior they need to stop and if he won't seek help then you should leave him. I know its not what you want when he is charming and treats you well but if the flaws in him are the biggest problem then you need to get out.
Hope this helps
From Bats x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): Four years out of your life is long enough with this clearly horrible, useless man. Simply end it. Take no notice of him turning on the charm, that is all part of the classic behaviour of an abusive man. Do whatever you need to do to get him out of your life.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (31 March 2012):
you need to leave him, well you should've left him a long time ago - the final nail would've been hitting you.
you've put up with far too much and don't deserve to be treated this way.
he's had enough chances to seek help.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (31 March 2012):
 Why are you still with this loser? He has problems which he needs to sort out on his own. You need to get him out of your life, stop buying him things and stop being his doormat!
You cannot change this man.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (31 March 2012):
Leave him. He is abusive with possible mental issues. You are co-dependant, you allow him to treat you badly and you finance his destructive habits. He hits you, he steals from you and you forgive and stay.
Leave him before he destroys you. Financially, mentally and physically, your staying is making things worse.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): Sorry you've been through all this. This guy lies, emotionally abuses u, physically abuses u, gambles his money and is financially abusive. Change your number. If u live together MOVE. No contact.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 Wait a second, he's hit you? That's it, out of the door. NOW.
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