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female
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anonymous
writes: i'm 40 years old. i have a bf and he's 35 we've lived together for over 9 years now. we both live in my parents house but my parents have moved to another village 5 years ago. now it's just me and him and his parents now living with us. he comes home late at night and sometimes he doesn't come home until 5 or 8 am on weekends. he works and pays his share and he said he loves me. i want to have a baby but now it's seemed impossible because of my age. he doesn't want to have a baby. i want to get married but he doesn't show interest. i told him he can move out he wants to but he's still around. i have invested so much in this relationship. what should i do ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2006): strong unpleasant scent - you're being used by him and his parents living in your and your parents house or are you happy with the arrangement ? obviously there is something you liked about him since you lasted that long. he works and pays his shares, now do you work full time or just part time. you don't seemed to have financial problems, does he and his parents pay for most of your expenses ? i think by now after almost 10 years if you think and feel and know in your heart that he'll never give you children or marry you, you would have ended your relationship and kicked him out. but obviously there must a good reason why you're still with him. as for him going out late i mean really late, hmmmm think about it, that's a sign of him cheating. don't you think ? but of course you'll say no. it doesn't seem to bother you after so many years. so why complain or ask questions now !! ..i'd say give yourself a solid day to reevaluate and focus and decide what you want in life a year from now. as is with him or without him. oh maybe he's just waiting for you to make that move to really kick him out. i've experienced this before. we both lasted for years because of pity, familiarity, comfort, security and convenience. but we both cheated on each other. i found out he did but he never found out that i did. am i happy now. no, but i'm stuck with him because i can't work and have no means of supporting myself. and we're both in our early 40's
A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (17 October 2006):
 You are obviously desperate to have children and get married, and why deny yourself what would make all your dreams come true. Leave this guy NOW, as if you dont, it really will be too late, and then you will spend your days thinking 'if only'. Ditch him NOW for someone who really cares. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 October 2006):
 Ouch. Look, I think you are wasting your time. Really.
You really want children, and to get married, but he is not interested? Then why are you sticking around?
Does he own the house, or do you? If you do, kick him and his parents out of there. You still have time to find someone else that wants the same thing as you.
I think it is sad that you stayed in a relationship for so long (9 years????). The signs that you were not compatible were there.
If you really want kids and marriage, get rid of him and make room for someone in your life that wants the same things. Clock is ticking...you are wasting time.
I have an entire chapter in my book on why women stick it out with JERKS (yes, he is a jerk, becuase he KNEW you were not compatible, and decided to lead you on ANYWAYS).
I hope this will help you.
Frank B KErmit
www.franktalks.com
Author of Everything Out of HEr Mouth is a Test: A Man's guide to teh Emotional needs of Women.
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