A
female
age
,
*ariannne123
writes:My husband has been loving and generous towards both me and his daughters this Valentine's Day. However, he sent an e-mail greeting 'Happy Valentine's Day' to his ex wife. We have been married nearly five years. How should I feel? React? Respond?
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male
reader, raaz  +, writes (15 February 2013):
hey dude, dont think otherwise for these small things. just see how he feel about u? how he taking care about you??
be happy smile always
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 I'm with SVC on this one -- what made you snoop? Usually, someone who gets bad vibes or outright suspects something snoops, and those who trust their husband and don't feel anything on the radar can't be bothered to go through the effort.
I think we need some context here to go on -- on this email, what did it say personally? Did he wish it to her alone, or her and the kids?
I say don't say anything, but be on your guard for any other kind gestures. Though, I wouldn't be happy that he chose V-day, because that's where all the gooey feelings start sloshing around. An ex's contact should only be strictly about the kids, not some stupid nostalgia kick.
Shore up your marriage too, if you two have been fighting or there's some resentment or mundane routine kicking around, time to shake things up and not be too predictable yourself.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 February 2013):
Feel however you feel. It could be perfectly innocent to say such a thing to the mother of your children. Ask him about it why he sent it, although you'll probably have to admit to spying on him.
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A
female
reader, Seabreezes +, writes (15 February 2013):
I don't think this is complicated, but there are some missing details. Was this email sent for the sole purpose of wishing her a Happy Valentine's Day, or was it secondary to, "Hey, I'm still in need of x,y,z...btw, Happy V-Day".
If its the former, than it's a blatant disrespect to your marriage. Lets face it, this isn't Christmas, or Thanksgiving, it's a love holiday. For this reason, it is absolutely unacceptable to send an ex a card.
If its the latter, than I don't think it's. big deal.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (15 February 2013):
 We don't know much about your husband or his motives, however he could be:
1) Rubbing in the fact to her that he is Happily Married and has moved on just fine without her.
2) On some sentimental level he misses her. They were married and he did have children with her and I am sure on some level they'll forever be emotionally bonded.
How you respond is up to you (you know all the circumstances in regards to your marriage). However, assuming his greeting wasn't tasteless or filled with sexual innuendo, I'd just let this one go. He was probably trying to keep the peace with his ex (which is usually a good idea when kids are involved).
Eddie
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Well first of all how do you know he sent it.... did he tell you? did you snoop and find out? what made you snoop if you did?
for me... well I don't go out of the way to send cards to folks except on their birthdays but I would wish a happy birthday to my ex. Especially the one I had kids with.
Having a friendly civil relationship with an ex (especially if you have kids with them is critical)
now if he has always done it and this is just the first time you found out... well then i'd not worry.
if he did it for the first time ever this year... I would say
"hey why'd you send [her name] a valentine's day card???"
this makes the assumption that he knows you know and that you had a valid reason for finding out.
IF you found out because you snooped... well then what made you snoop??? is other behavior concerning his ex an issue? if not I'm not, if everything else is great are you sure you want to rock the boat over something that may just be a habit... or a joke
or if it was one of those pre-requested things... maybe he set up a recurring task to send an email card. I've seen things.
clearly it bothers you... more information as to why might help me not say it's nothing... which is my first response based on just the information given so far.
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