A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Been going through a really tough time emotionally, physically and financially. I've been fighting down depression through so much guilt I'm carrying. Met a nice guy and though my heart told me I wasn't ready, he became my boyfriend and we moved in. Recently I haven't been on point but this week I felt happy that I was able to pay him back for my part of the rent that he had covered last month. Then, we're doing laundry and he snaps at me for putting too much detergent. I laugh and say that I eye-measured and that that it was a capful. He snaps that he paid for it and I said "not that it matters but I paid for this one, the one you bought is in the closet." I felt hurt and he apologized but honestly I shook it off cause I felt weird. I've been battling with so much internally but I've tried to communicate to him-especially how bad I felt when I wasn't able to do my share. But I've been cooking, cleaning and doing everything else I could do. I even took another job despite his protests. But now I'm thinking I really wasn't ready for this and obviously he's feeling some type of way...should I move out? We've been dating almost two years.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 Okay lets be realistic we all do snap at times. OP was this a once off or is he constantly putting you down? If he is always making comments, have you spoke to him and told him how he is making you feel? It sounds to me like you are ready to run without giving him a chance to explain himself. We all have bad days. But if he is continuously making you feel like a failure then you need to tell him that. Surely after two years you can both talk to each other?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2017): Move out now. A good rule is not to move in with someone until you have dated at least 2 years. You never really knew him because you moved way too fast to see the red flags. It has nothing to do with money. If he really loved you money or even stupid laundry soap should not have mattered. You had a setback in money...you are supposed to have a patership..it seems you are just roommates and that is all. Next time slow down.Really get to know someone before you take such a big step such as moving in together. Learn from this and next time move a little slower and get to really know the person before you take a big step like this.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 May 2017):
 Then drop him like a bad habit. You do not need him in your life. Being partnered with someone does not give anyone the right to force you into their way or the highway.
He has you doing everything, yet you're working. I'd say he's getting the best of everything while systematically trying to break you down.
What an asshat. Kick his 29-year old arse straight to the curb.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2017): Hello, I'm the poster. No. He has not been supporting me for two years, only the past 3 months have I been uneven with my share cause of a financial emergency I'm still recovering from. I work full time. He is 29 and the reason I want to move out now is this: if he resents me that much, maybe it's better I leave and stop being a burden to him. He makes little comments like the laundry one...idk. He is 29. I care for him but this shames me. I cannot look at him now without thinking that I am failing and am nothing more than a leech in his mind.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 May 2017):
How old is this guy?! Should I send him a labelmaker that says "I purchased the second orange to the right of the one on the front left?" Who the hell DOES that??? Detergent is detergent, not diamond dust or plutonium or white truffle sauce. If someone has to gripe about the use of detergent from a financial standpoint, then he needs to shut the hell up and do 100% of the laundry himself, his and yours.
However, that being said, what constitutes "your share"?? If you have to bring in money and pay half of the rent, and I assume the utilities as well as other expenditures like groceries, then why isn't he doing half of all of the domestic work? Why isn't he doing half of the cooking, cleaning, or domestic stuff if you're required to get a job and pay rent like a roommate??
I think you both need to sit down and map out an equal plan here. I can understand you doing all of the domestic chores if you're a homemaker (I'm not counting if the partner is a slob and throws clothes and food utensils all over the place - that's horrible hygiene and it doesn't matter WHO works and who doesn't), however if you're working one or two jobs, then he needs to be as equal in housework as you are in paying bills.
He should be appreciative that you're even DOING his laundry! This is a red flag. Don't go apologizing because you DID NOTHING WRONG. I'm guessing you didn't upend the entire bottle into the washing machine, so tell him that he can handle detergent his way, and you will do yours.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (4 May 2017):
 So, let me understand this fully: you have been dating for 2 years during which time he has been supporting you financially. He has snapped at you once when he thought you were using too much detergent. which he apologized for. Because of that, you are going to call it a day?
One of two things are going on here: either he is feeling the financial pressure and is trying to be extra careful, or he is a control freak and this is the start of other little ways to control you. YOU are in the relationship so YOU are best placed to know which one it is. I am suspecting the former UNLESS you have noticed other warning signs.
You mention you are battling mental health issues due to guilt. Have you spoken to anyone about this? You need to offload this before it takes an even heavier toll on your life and well-being.
You and your boyfriend need to sit down and discuss finances if you believe he is worrying about them. Point out to him that you do as much as you can to contribute in other ways. Discuss what you both can do to help ease the situation. Perhaps he feels you are not careful enough with your resources?
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