A
female
age
30-35,
*oeismeanyou
writes:I have a hard time with showing my emotions to people. It 's only hard for me because I think it's embarrassing and I was honestly raised to not show any emotions like sadness or even love at times. But my boyfriend wants me to share my feelings with him and I can't do that comfortably. I also feel like he doesn't completely understand what I've been through (he's pretty sheltered and still is naive to the world) and isn't really good with comforting people or giving people advice. Right now I'm going through tough times and I feel like if there's not one thing that's going on it's another. It's gotten so bad to where I actually cried (alone and in front of him) which never really happens. I can only confide in maybe 2 other people and those people I've known for years and it took them a long time just for me to feel comfortable doing such. I want him to be someone I can talk to. What should I do?Info:We've been dating for nearly 10 months now. He's never seen me cry other than today. I'm going through financial issues and on the verge of living with my grandmothers (I really don't want to move back, it's a long story within itself) Not to be mean, but I think he has some sort of mental issue that I'm not sure of yet. It seems like he is autistic or something.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 You feel he has some sort off mental issue? Are you happy with this man? 10 months in so surely you should know at this stage if the relationship is working or not.
We all show emotions different, don't worry about that, it doesn't make you abnormal or anything. I just worry that you and your partner don't fit together. Is he someone you see yourself being with all the time?
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 May 2017):
 You already are showing your emotions to him. People do it in different ways. Some people are stoic or private with their more extreme displays, and others are much more publicly demonstrative. You must be who you are, and only who you are. To confide in someone simply means to tell them something you wouldn't tell an acquaintance. Don't worry about how you look emotionally, whether you cry or whether you uncover your deepest soul, because that comes only with time, and to be honest, you already HAVE uncovered some pieces of yourself, or he wouldn't be attracted to you.
I had the same problem at your age - I was with a very demonstrative guy emotionally who came from a touchy, huggy, cry-y family, and I don't show stuff like that often in public. For me, it's extremely hard to cry in public or even when someone else is in the room, because I've always done it alone. You can't MAKE yourself be any different than you are.
The guy I was with sounded JUST like yours at first, but with being closer to each other, he figured out that I was showing him lots of emotion in my own way and with my own expression. We've been married now for nearly 19 years, and there have been only two occasions that he has ever seen me cry. As far as opening up, some people take a lot more time than others. At the 10-month mark, I wasn't doing any of that sort of thing either.
However, if I may make a guess about you, it's that you're one of the best LISTENERS a boyfriend or friend or loved one can have. You know more about other people's private thoughts and deepest secrets because you don't talk about yourself in that way so much. We all need more people like you.
Emotional bonding and trust is like a rose. You can't force a rose to bloom before it does on its own, and you can't force an internal person to become more demonstratively emotional before real trust is established. There is NOTHING wrong with you. When you love, it's deeply, but it's not this big huge production.
The movie and book Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen is an absolutely brilliant telling of the dichotomy between people who are reserved and people who are demonstrative.
As for the last thing you said - I'm guessing you said this because of the crisis you're going through. Make sure you separate this financial situation from your self-evaluation. People usually aren't good at comforting or giving advice in person. That part takes time too, and 10 months is a new relationship still.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (4 May 2017):
 You don't have to share your emotions with anyone if you don't want to. However people in general do find it helpful to talk through issues with someone they can trust. It seems that you have found a couple of people with whom you can share your feelings, discuss problems, work out future plans.
Trust has to be won. Your boyfriend cannot demand your trust. If you have concerns over his mental state it may be a reason why you are reluctant to open up to him.
What you need to assess is how much you feel comfortable sharing with everyone? How wounding could the information about you be?
One day you might just think, what the heck? Does it really matter if they know this? It is me, and I am not worried about about my past. In fact I am proud of me - proud to be me.
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