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anonymous
writes: I have a very difficult problem. Twelve years ago I met a man who was a tourist in my country. We liked each other very much but didn't have a relationship. When he left for his country we spoke on the phone and corresponded regularly. Two years later he came again. In the meantime he had a child out of marriage and I had just began a relationship with another man. We felt very attracted to each other but nothing happened because I was not available. Then we stopped talking to each other for ten years. Some time ago I contacted him to see how he was doing. He replied by e-mail immediately and was very happy. He has been married for seven years. At the beginning we kept our e-mails (10 a day) on a friendly basis. Then he started asking me if I would be with him if he ever left his wife etc. In a months time he began sending me sexual messages on my mobile phone and I did the same until one night he called me. He sounded great and said that he never forgot me and he loved me etc. What can I do? I love him very much but there is a great distance between us (our countries are far apart) and I don't know if he really loves his wife. Please advise me! Reply to this Question
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (21 June 2005):
Sweetie...you need to define LOVE.It's difficult to Love someone you hardly know.You haven't spent any REAL time with this guy, other than emails & phone calls...you have not dated on a regular basis or lived together so you see his TRUE COLOURS.Lust and fantasy create unrealistic feelings of desire.To lay in bed at night & visualize the other person enjoying sexual intimacy with you..is NOT REAL !Real love is someone being there for us every single day, committing themselves to a daily routine, sharing the up's & down's of a relationship...not just sex & romance.You said this guy has been married for seven years & also has another child from a different woman in his past.I believe he is feeling THE 7 YEAR ITCH, that so many folks feel after they've been married for several years.Also, you need to be aware...if this guy is sneaking around behind his wife's back to send you sexual messages & talk intimately with you over the phone, what makes you think he isn't doing the same with other women?Men can spit out the words, "I love you" when they are craving a sexual interlude.How can he truly LOVE YOU when he doesn't KNOW the real you?If he REALLY loved his wife, he would NOT be practicing deceipt by communicating with you on a sexual level.When he says goodbye to you...he goes to bed with his wife!Plus, if he did decide to leave his wife for you...it would take TIME...perhaps years of waiting...is that what you want in your life?Long distance romance is difficult, but to be involved with a married man, long distance is setting yourself up for heartache.Don't you think you deserve more...MUCH more !Make a solid decision NOT to compromise your values and the right man will come along & sweep you off your feet.You are worth it !All the best, dear lady
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reader, robinlovescena +, writes (21 June 2005):
 long distant relationships are very hard to handle. like you said, he had a child out of marriage. to me, he sounds like the type of guy that would cheat. he could cheat of you and you would not even know it. think about this. you may love him but i do not think that it could ever really work out between the two of you. if you believe in it, work at it. hold on to the love that charish with him. grip it tight, and dont let anyone get to you. but i think you should consider talking to him about moving in with him, or him moving in with you. love will find a way. good luck~Robin~aka advice gurl
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (20 June 2005):
 Oh dear, I believe you should go ahead and let this one go. He's married for one reason and if he really wanted you, he'd divorce his wife and fly right over to get you. I really feel that you are just a sexual fantasy for him right now. Maybe he feels naughty for having a secret "girlfriend" even though he's married. I would ask him not to call you anymore because you are beginning to seem confused. You are confusing his need for fantasy and lust for true love. I am very sorry to tell you this. Maybe at one time in your lives it was more than that. But people change and so do their situations. 12 years is a long time for change. You can find someone in your own country who will find you beautiful and loving without making you stress if he wants a relationship or not while he's still married. Take care.
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