A
female
age
36-40,
*onfusedinphilly
writes:ive been having sex with my exboyfriend off and on for the last 8 yrs(dated in hs) we always seem to reconnect. we've always cheated on our partners with each other. should we end contact? he has a gf now and a one yr old...but he claims he doesnt love her? we talk almost every day. what do i do?
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female
reader, confusedinphilly +, writes (4 February 2011):
confusedinphilly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone! He broke up with me after 8 months of dating, because he claimed our relationship scared him..? We were young, and in high school. He is infact my first love, so I guess that is primarily why it is so hard to break things off. I know he still loves me, and I still love him. When one of us is single, the other one is not... so we never really had a chance to start over. I'm sure you guys are right, but I wish you werent :( I never got over him, and I think about him every day. I just need to be a big girl and talk to him about this, and if he doesn't want to try it again.. then I'm done. Thanks again for your input! Much appreciated.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): I would end it with your ex only because he has a girlfriend with a baby on the way. It's not right to do this. You are now grown up adults and you need to end it if you both have no intentions of ever getting back together again or even getting married to each other. Besides, what if you had STDs? What if he has STDs? It's just not right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): It's obviously not a healthy relationship that you two have and sounds more like a physical attraction then anything else.If you are both cheating on other people with each other and it keeps happening, i really think it's best to bite the bullet and cut contact.Easier said than done i know but if he wanted a relationship and not just sex he'd be with you.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (3 February 2011):
 Stop having sex with him and cut all contact for ever.
Either that, or get back with him in a mutuallu committed relationship.
I frankly do not understand why you split up in the first place.....
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 If the pair of you have been getting it on for the past eight years, even behind your unsuspecting partners backs, why did you split up to begin with. Since you have split up its obvious that neither of you have been 100% commited to other partners, which is why you both keep cheating with each other. Now he is with a girl, who he say's he does not love, and has a one year old child with, not really the best of situations, either way people are going to get hurt here. If i was you i would treat him like an old tax return, put him in the filing cabinet for 3 years then cut him loose. I just feel that to much upset is going to come out of this if you keep seeing him.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 You need to talk to him and ask him who he wants. Dont be the other woman anymore, you dont need me to tell you that cheating is wrong and that people get hurt out of it. Therefore you need to ask him if he wants to be with you or his current girlfriend and dont accept any excuses if he is not going to break up with her then end the affair and lose all contact. Goodluck.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (3 February 2011):
This is not a healthy relationship, and it continues to negatively effect your subsequent relationships. You do need to break contact. That appears to be the only way you can move on.
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A
female
reader, pink_daisy +, writes (3 February 2011):
 I used to be right where you are (except it didn't go on for 8 years, only about 1 year, if even!).
If this guy was your first love, it's hard to let go. Very hard. But the tough reality is, you two have obviously had points to honestly get back together and be open with the relationship, yet you both keep turning to other people and simply cheating on them.
So I think in your heart, you know he's not the one for you. I mean, he has a child with someone else. And he says he doesn't love her so that you will feel free to keep putting out. Trust me, I have been there done that and it may look good, smell good and sound good, but it never ends good so I'd say jump ship now, because you waste a decade on this guy.
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