A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My friend, *Elizabeth* has been my best friend for years. Since we started high school, she's changed. She's sent suggestive pictures, drank, and made out with lots of guys. She's still a virgin, though.Today our two of our best friends and I told our counselor about the photos and drinking. We also told her that Elizabeth has said something to her ex boyfriend about holding a gun to her head. We don't know if its true though. The counselor told the superintendent. He told her mom. Elizabeth found out before her mom talked to her about it and chewed me out, but didn't chew out my other friends who told with me. She said i had no right telling anyone.I don't know what i should do? should i ignore her comments? should i apologize? (she probably won't listen to my apology though) should i wait for it to blow over? were we right to tell?
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 Were you right to tell? Well depends on your perspective... from an adult perspective yeah, I'm sure any parent would praise you for letting them know that their child was "off the rails" or in danger.
From a friends perspective... not right at all. You essentially went behind her back (I'm assuming without even talking to her about it first). You had no right to tell anybody... especially since the "gun" thing may not have even been true to begin with. People lie, people do things for attention or popularity and teenagers are no exception.
Apologize if she'll let you, but don't expect forgiveness. I think you did the right thing for her in the long term, but whether she ever sees that your intentions were pure or not... who knows.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 You've done Elizabeth a huge favour. But it may be a very long time until she appreciates it.
In high school we think that we're smart and capable and able to handle anything. But sometimes we get on the wrong path, and either don't recognize it or are too proud to admit it. If she's on the kind of wrong path that you think, then she's now getting the sort of kick in the backside that can make her wake up and change. Getting off the wrong path before you're damanged is life-changing. That gift of a second chance is huge.
Let me tell you about a friend that I didn't do that for. He'd muddled through high school with lousy marks, but seemed to pull it together enough in grade 12 to get into university. In his first semester of uni it all fell apart -- he'd taken courses his father wanted him to take rather than what he'd be good at, so his marks sucked. He went to pieces and I ended up taking him to the psych ward. His parents never found out because I respected the 'code'. As it happened that was the start of years of bad stuff that might have been averted if he'd gotten help at the right time. Years later when I told his father, he rightly went up one side of me and down the other -- they could have helped if they'd known.
Elizabeth may not forgive you, but you were absolutely right to tell.
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