A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a divorced female 30yrs old and am friends with a guy 31yrs old at work who is unhappily married and has 2 small children whom are his world. We get along great and joke around all the time and even text each other on the weekends comparing what the others has done in fun. I will admit I have a HUGE crush on him that he is unaware of but mostly value our friendship. My question is...he wants to go fishing with me as I have been wanting to go all winter and no one else I know likes that type of thing. Do you think this is okay? He also mentioned maybe bringing his daughter along....is that one okay? I feel like it would be okay for him and I to go but didn't think it would be a good idea for his 5yr old daughter to come along as he wanted to fish all day and have a few beers. PLEASE HELP!!! lol
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): "lol"
Are you serious? There really is nothing funny about this situation and I actually cringe at your lighthearted approach to this. You should definately know better by now, being in your 30's, that this is a most unacceptable situation.
Furthermore, I question whether you really are concerned with the safety of the 5 year old daughter at all. It appears as if you just want alone time with him so you both can spend the whole day getting drunk together and then later blame your irresponsible actions and subsequent sexual encounter on being intoxicated.
Likewise with the fishing issue. He is not the only one out there who likes to go fishing. I am sure there are plenty of other people (who are not married) that enjoy fishing too. I think this is another way for you to pardon yourself. I am sure that if fishing was all you had on your mind, then to be sure you could find another person to go along with you.
The real question here is not so much whether you plan on acting out your fantasies, but whether or not you have it within yourself as a decent moral human being to be UNSELFISH even in the face of temptation. Do you have it in you to put others first (wife, kids) and walk away from this?
Also, to answer your title at face value;
Yes, it could be okay- IF you didnt have an admittedly HUGE crush on him, IF he didnt already cross the boundaries by whining to you how unhappy he is in his marriage, IF his wife knew about it and was okay with it, IF it really was just an activity that you have been wanting to indulge in WITHOUT ulterior motives..
Curious, but how were you planning on meeting up for this "fishing trip"? Incognito? Sneaking about, meeting up in the parking lot of some obscure grocery store in another town under the guise of buying the necessary supplies?
Also, him blubbering to you about how unhappy he is in his marriage should tell you a few things about his character:
1. He is very disloyal to his partner. Their issues are their private life and should not be the subject of examination by an outside source. I am sure something like this has happened to you in grade school, as it did to almost every kid at some point in their life. One of your trusted friends runs off and tells another kid your secrets. How did that feel? Exactly. Like betrayal. And that hurts the most from someone you would expect it from the least.
2. He is cowardly. If he has such an issue with his wife, he should approach her and seek to rectify the situation. Telling an outside source will not fix any issues he is having with her as she is probably unaware that there is even an issue to begin with.
Finally, just to point out a well known fact of life:
There are ALWAYS three sides to every story. His side, her side, and the God's honest truth.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 Dont get into this please. No matter how unhappily married he is, the point is he's still MARRIED. You cannot act on your crush and it'l only spell disaster. Irrespective of how unhappy you were in your own marriage, would you like it if some woman who had a crush on your husband, went out fishing with him?? No, right? Similarly, its not fair to his wife.
You probably only know his side of the story. Stay away from him no matter how attracted you are to him.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (8 March 2011):
Yeah, you're gonna catch something all right ... nothing but trouble doing this sort of thing. Look, he should get his deal with his wife straightened out first before he starts canoodling with you. What happens if you really get in deep with this guy, and he goes back with the wife? (not an unusual occurrence). He's still married. I'm sure you know the first rule of dating -- DON'T DATE MARRIED MEN! You can simply look around this site and read all kind of horror stories from people who dated married men or women. And, while he may be telling you he is unhappy he's still with his wife. That is the line of choice for married men (and women) who feel like screwing around. So, to answer your question, and probably not what you want to hear, but NO it is not ok to go an a fishing date with your married friend -- daughter or no daughter, beer or no beer. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 Going fishing and drinking beer, one on one, with a married man who is having issues in his marriage is a recipe for disaster. He shouldn't be going anywhere alone with a single woman, let alone one who has a crush on him. I really find it hard to believe that your motives are honourable in this.
If his daughter comes alone, and you're prepared to behave yourself, then maybe. But really, how are you doing his marriage any good with this?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): Stay away from him....Since you already have a crush on him you might be walking into the temptation of sleeping with him...not a bright idea...Just find an excuse not to be alone with him(his daughter isnt much of a buffer)...Take care you do not fall into an affair with him...You have already started sympathising with hima about his unhappy marriage and you have a huge crush on him(alarm bells)...The solution to his marriage is not you ..let him look for solutions to his marriage and sort things out either way with his wife...Meanwhile keep busy and start going out on dates or something...make a conscious effort to take this man of your mind...I smell trouble
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