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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. He recently went abroad about 6 months ago to work and we agreed to keep the relationship going. The problem is that he wants me to tell him everything every time I go out. Whether guys have come up to me or have I spoken to any guys. He has threatened to finish our relationship if I wear short skirts. I understand that he is being overly possessive he was like this when he was living in the same town as me. Whenever I tell him anything that he doesn't like he splits up with me and I keep running back to him. I really do love him and I know that he isn't cheating on me. I don't know whether to stay with him or whether it is best to finish the relationship or if I am better off with someone who is in the same country as me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): Well i meet on myspace,and we have been talking since feb. and he is really nice.He is coming to see me next month at the warped tour.And latly he has been trying to control me,he talks about my friend.All my friends tell me to dump him.But I really like him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): Hi girl,Firstly, i'll touch on the short skirts. He has concerns on guys taking advantage of you. Think about this, when u bent down with your short skirt, onlookers esp guys have the tendency to look and you never know should they see your panty. And this might lead to guys thinking that wow! she must be an easy one. Guys might get arouse and they might come close to you and touch your butt!2ndly, about he questioning you if u had talk to guys or vice versa, he has concerns abt guys might think you are an easy one and tends to take advantage. You never know if other guy you talk to might just be attracted to you when you talk to them and bad motives might arise. Hence, for both issue your boyfriend is very concerns of your safety :)3rdly, he wanting to know everything abt where you go. Well, its good to share your activity with him and he knows you are using your time effectively and it might just give him ideas on your new interest etc. But, if he wants you to report everyday which your agenda is abt similar daily and he commented too much on your activity, then your BOYFRIEND has problem!!!He sounded to me like an insecure guy. He afraid of losing you so he gets very authoritarian and since he knows you love him very much, he threaten to leave you if yooou do things that displease him...thats childish and not manly!!!My suggestion here, discuss things with him. Do activity together and assured him you won't leave him, Let him know of his authoritarian and childish behaviour. Let him know, you understand his concerns etc.Overall, men do worry and get jealous when they've got a nice girl who they think can have anyone they want. he probably just needs reassurance that you do love him and don't want anyone else.All the best...Ann, Singapore
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (4 November 2005):
he sounds really pathetic. if he trusts you, why shouldn't he want you to wear short skirts. if you've got the figure for them, show it off. your man should feel lucky to have you. i live with my partner and he doesn't expect to know where i've been or what i've done. i tell him anyway and he gets bored. try it that way, tell him, before he asks, what you've done and whether you had a good time. don't brag or make him feel like your happy without him though. just let him know you won't put your own life on hold because he's not there. he'll realise you love him and he can trust you. he may still ask you about things but it will be out of interest rather than anything else. men do worry and get jealous when they've got a nice girl who they think can have anyone they want. he probably just needs reassurance that you do love him and don't want anyone else.
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female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (4 November 2005):
 Seriously, why would you stay with someone who is possessive and controlling? How is it his business whether you wear a short skirt? I suspect you must be quite insecure to be putting up with this sort of domineering behaviour - maybe you think he is somehow demonstrating his love for you by being so possessive? Try thinking of it this way - by treating you like this, your boyfriend is actually showing you that he has very little respect for you, in that he doesn't even respect you enough to trust you while he's away. Unfortunately, you are enabling this lack of respect by playing his games - every time he tries to assert his authority by breaking up with you, you respond in exactly the way he wants, taking him back again and agin. Take the initiative in this relationship - from now on, tell him that you demand respect in the form of trust and commitment, and that if he continues to behave as he has been you will end the relationship yourself. Stick to this. If he starts threatening again, break up with him. By showing him that you are the one with the power in this relationship, you may be able to get him to change, but this has to be a one-time chance. If he doesn't pass the test, get rid of him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2005): I am in a similar situation, and I look forward to hearing peoples responses to your issue. I myself don't know what to do either. We use to live together then broke up and he moved back to where he use to live which is 250 miles from me. I started seeing him again, but now he controls my life, and threatens me if I don't stratghten up and we get back together again. I love him, but just not ready for that again, because of his posssesive ways, and he won't change. I know it would be best for both of us to leave the situation, and I am sure that will be your advice, but it is easier said then done, when there is still love there.
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