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male
,
anonymous
writes: I am engaged to be married a year from now to the most wonderful woman in the world, positively my true love. We have been best friends for 3 years and our love for each other was unstoppable and became clear last May. With her I knew a happiness only Gods could create, as did she. I am currently in Iraq and the distance has put a strain on us. We talk as much as possible and I write every day without ever missing a day. She is in a custody battle with her ex husband and he stated he will let her have custody of their son, the most important person in the world to her as he should be, but the two of them are to never see me or my children again. Our children love each so completely it pains me to hear this. She has turned a cold shoulder to me saying she no longer can be with me. I painfully imagine this is to keep her son. From this distance what can I do? If possible I would swim across the sea to help her. All of her friends are here with me, and for her at home unbiased support is nowhere to be found. In losing her I feel a pain so horrible it can't be explained.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 November 2005):
 Either you or the lady are being hornswalgered. If she is a fit mother the courts will grant her custody no matter what her exhusband says. Maybe she is just using this as an excuse to end your relationship. Find out and move on with your life.
A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (4 November 2005):
her ex can not make these demands. the court should take his attitude into account. if the child currently stays with his mum, it is almost certain that she'll get custody anyway. if her ex already has him, this will be taken into account but, unless there is a legal reason for you not to be around the child, which i doubt, then her ex has no reason not to let her have custody. you could split temporarily so she doesn't have to go through fights in court but once she has custody, her ex can not take that away just because she resumes a relationship with you. she should get legal advice anyway and find out what rights both her and her ex have.
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (4 November 2005):
 Unless you have committed terrible crimes against children or her ex husband has proof that you are unfit to be close to a child (which obviously isn't the case) then he can't make such demands on your lady. She has every right to live a full and happy life with whoever she choses and he cannot control her in this way, by law.
I don't know why her son lives with him or even why she isn't receiving proper legal advice because if she was, they would inform her that her ex simply can't make such demands on her. It is blackmail basically. In order for her to have her son with her, she must make a sacrifice and this is very wrong.
Find out first and foremost if she has turned a cold shoulder to you because of this custody battle and then if this is the case, write to her and explain that she doesn't have to do what he instructs and to get proper legal advice.
I know you are going through a terrible time right now but do get in contact with her and explain this to her so that your relationship and hopefully imminent marriage stands a chance.
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