A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and I have been on and off for almost 3 years. Over that time we broke up twice and we are currently back at it for the third time, but we are not "back together". He constantly flip flops his feelings about us from one week to the next, I really just think he is a commitment phobe. There was never any cheating or anything major that we broke up over, it was basically him saying he was "bored" and breaking it off. But then we would come back together in a couple months. I know it sounds silly but I kept thinking there has to be a reason we keep coming together again maybe "fate"? I am in love with him, I just dont know how long I can do this. I am getting frustrated with him not wanting to commit to me. I have thought about walking away, I would tell anyone in my position the same, but I cant bring myself to do it. The thought of losing him is so painful. Has anyone been with a guy who has done this? Am I wasting my time? Any advice would be great!
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): Hi there. I understand what you're going through. I understand you love this guy and he's been a part of your life for 3 years and its probably really difficult for you to let go. You are wasting your life on this guy. Sorry to be harsh about it. His feelings are literally all over the place. He says he's "bored" and breaks it off and then in a couple of months comes running back to you? If this is the case then why on earth would you put up with this? You're better than that and don't deserve that at all. He doesn't love you nearly as much as you love him. In fact, he's using you.The ONLY way you can put a stop to this is to completely remove him from your life. Believe me, this is a very hard thing to do I've had to do it many times. No more talking to him at all. You will need to take a long break from dating all together until you're ready again. You can do so much better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): Thank you all for your advice!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): No OP, fate is when you don't break up in the first place. Unless you believe that fate is such a bastard that it keeps throwing you back to a guy who just doesn't feel it with you.
Look there's nothing I can say to you really, you've this all figured out. When you say you know what you'd tell people to do in your situation you're very right. You're also very normal in the fact that you find it all but impossible to follow your head instead of your heart.
Look you and I both know this is not meant to be, 3 years and he's still "meh" about you, that's not a commitment issue OP, he's just not that into you. He keeps coming back then when he decides he doesn't like being alone and no one better has come along.
Again you and I both know this is only going to end when you've completely reached the end of your tether or he decides to walk away for good.
You know what you should do, but you're not going to do that.
This is going to be one of those long, drawn out things. Maybe another break up or two, until finally something clicks and it's over. Even then I have a feeling that you'll find it impossible to truly let go because you'll try the "just friends" thing and this is probably going to go on another few years.
...............................
A
female
reader, Queen_mermaid  +, writes (10 June 2013):
Hello Dear,
This guy seems to be unsure about his feelings. Instead of sorting out problems between you guys, he just gave up each time. He told you he was bored and breaking up. Still after that you came back to him. What if he get bored with you again? He is using you girl. You're definitely wasting your time. You should find someone else who is much more sure about his feelings for you. He does not seem to want to get commited actually. You better move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, xxlittlemissxx  +, writes (10 June 2013):
I was in a similar position. I spent 2 years with a guy who has a track record for being with women a few years then leaves, don't get me wrong a few other things happened at the end but we are now no longer together and I have not heard a word from him since we broke up 3 weeks ago - he's probably moved on already. After 2 years of nothing from him I should have known I would continue to get nothing, like u I felt terrible at the thought of not being with him and I cried and cried but u know what I'm fine now :) I do get a bit sad when I see or hear certain things that remind me of him. I think u should move on and find someone who won't be afraid to commit to u, it might seem hard at first but u will be fine! Good luck x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): I haven't personally been with a guy who has done this but my best friend has been in a relationship that has been on and off for almost seven years. In the first three years they constantly broke up and got back together and he was very reluctant to commit. In the end she broke up with him and cut all contact. He came to her house and cried and threatened to kill himself and said he would change if she would just give him a chance, and she gradually let him back into her life. He has changed in some ways and they are in a committed relationship, but they fight and bicker a lot, he is possessive, they're both jealous, and they don't have that much in common. Her argument is that they are really in love and that the fact that they kept getting back together must mean something, like it was fate, or "meant to be", when in fact all it means is that neither was willing to let go.
It depends on circumstances of course, but if a couple breaks up once, it usually means they were not right for each other. Twice and they definitely shouldn't be together. If you are back together for the third time and he still doesn't want to commit to you, then this is not going to work and you need to walk away. It's got nothing to do with fate and everything to do with you being weak for him. He is not the guy for you, accept that, give him up and walk.
...............................
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (10 June 2013):
 He sounds immature n insecure as all hell. Those should be red flags to you.
...............................
|
